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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's been messaging someone

11 replies

twogeniesinabottle · 30/12/2019 02:35

Basically my boyfriend and I had a falling out earlier. I sent him home. About an hour ago I received a message from a girl wondering if I was still with him. She then sent me messages he had sent her about 2 hours after I sent him away. Messages saying I had split up with him on Christmas and he hadn't got round to changing Facebook etc etc. Using cringey lines on her. Saying he wants to "take care of her lawn and keep it moist" absolutely disgusting.

He has never done anything like this before, I though he was a nice genuine guy.
Anyway. I sent him the screenshots. Told him he was a scumbag and his stuff will be packed by tomorrow night.

I feel sick, anxious and angry. I now can't sleep and just want to start packing his stuff already.

How do I tell the kids he won't be coming round anymore? Do I tell them the truth and explain why it's not nice to speak to other woman when being in a relationship (they are 4 and 6 so probably won't understand) what the hell do I tell them. They probably won't be bothered other than the fact the Xbox won't be here and we will have to walk everywhere.
Their dad isn't involved much and it's had a bad impact on them recently. I'm worried this might tip them over the edge for a few month.
I'm splitting up with him regardless.
Any advice? Comfort me please? 😭

OP posts:
Perid0t · 30/12/2019 03:01

No advice I’m afraid but I’m awake and just wanted to say I’m sorry he’s a complete arse. Bloody men!

Vafanculo · 30/12/2019 03:03

Well he probably presumed you had split up if you chucked him out?

At 4 and 6, they don't need to know any details, only that you've split up as you weren't happy together anymore.

twogeniesinabottle · 30/12/2019 03:07

We don't live together so it's not like I chucked him out of his own house or anything like that. He was drunk and disrespected me so I told him to leave. The words "it's over" or something to that effect weren't said and we exchanged messages half an hour before he had messaged her and said we would have a talk when he comes back round tomorrow.
Even so if he lied and said I split up with him at Christmas kind of says it all

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 30/12/2019 05:27

OP, I am sorry that this has happened.

He disrespected you. When you set a boundary and asked him to leave, he approached another woman with lies about you and made sexual remarks to her. How revolting.

Stay strong and don’t take him back. He has proven to be a man without integrity, and, therefore, he is a poor role model for your boys.

Heartburn888 · 30/12/2019 05:37

I wouldn’t tell your kids anything just maybe he’s gone on holiday or is at work and won’t be coming round anymore

Pack his stuff and don’t five him a second chance he’s made a fool out of you the cringe bag

sofato5miles · 30/12/2019 05:37

The kids do not need to know any details like at at all!

Happyspud · 30/12/2019 06:20

The kids don’t need adult based details!!!

What they need is for you not to take a lying, self interested scumbag back.

You tell them that he and you are no longer a couple because it turns out you are different people and not suited. And that they don’t need to worry because the three of you are your own little family and have each other’s back no matter what.

Lozzerbmc · 30/12/2019 07:17

Sorry this has happened to you - you have seen his true colours and are well rid of him. Dont have him back.

Kids just need to know you werent suited and they will get over it. They dont need any more detail.

Look ahead to next year and better things and a better man to come into your life!

ScreamingLadySutch · 30/12/2019 08:38

Good on that woman for checking back with you.

Wish that all women had each other's backs.

Groovinpeanut · 30/12/2019 08:51

He certainly didn't let the grass grow under his feet did he?
Straight from you to another, I think you're well rid of him.
Just explain to the kids if they ask that he'd gone away for a while and won't be around. They don't need dragging into it.
Get his stuff packed and tell him to collect it asap.
Start the new year with you and your kids focusing on a positive way forward.
All the best x

twogeniesinabottle · 30/12/2019 09:13

Thanks guys. Barely got a wink of sleep last night. Just wanted his stuff packed there and then at 3am.
He's doing the "let's talk tonight" not quite sure what there is to talk about though. I'll leave his stuff outside and tell him to pick it up from there

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