What constitutes an abusive relationship?

[Bumblesbumbles]

This will sound a crazy question to ask but what constitutes an abusive relationship? I’ve felt I need to leave my marriage many times but it’s very hard with kids, finances etc. Generally life is fine but my husband can have an awful temper - shouts a lot etc and has shoved, shoulder barged me etc a few times (this was done with force). But then things return to a kind of calm. I’ve given up on friends as he creates such a fuss if I try and catch up with my friends. He never cares for me if I’m ill etc. I’m beginning to think I should really get out. We have been together for about 15 years and have two kids. Leaving is so fraught with difficulties though.

He is abusive. Abusive men aren’t abusive 100% off the time which is why women stay with them.

Your relationship.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Staying is fraught with more difficulties. Especially for your children, who will be more and more damaged the longer they have to live with his abuse.

To be fair this sounds a bit like my relationship and is a question I gave asked myself repeatedly. I come from a difficult background where I was always criticised as a kid, so find it difficult to see things with a clarity others do. It's also fair to say when you are in the middle of something, it's almost impossible to see things objectively. So you have anyone to talk to? I I personally know I dont feel I can talk to family or friends, because I don't want to be disloyal.

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247

When I look at the abuser link you sent ohwheniknow it seems far more extreme than he is but maybe I’m not seeing it clearly. Hgranger- I haven’t told anyone but could talk to people. I think I haven’t told them because it would sound shocking, I don’t know what I think and I’d really then have to act on it.
This all started after having kids and has always been worst when they were little. At the time It felt too hard to leave though - It was a very hard time then. But I feel much stronger now so maybe this is the time.

He stops you from seeing friends

He shouts

He's physically abused you

You are in an abusive relationship