Harrassment from ex’s girlfriend

[nohoho]

Currently getting divorced and applied for child arrangements order through court. This past year exh has been trying to see dc’s as and when he wants and with little notice. He met new girlfriend earlier this year and she has moved in with him. We are not divorced yet and finances not yet sorted out but with judge to decide. Basically the girlfriend has started to come to my house with exh to pick dc’s up, and I have said she is not welcome but ignores my wishes. He parks outside to pick them up. A few days ago as I was coming out of the house I noticed she was driving past on her own. The thing is this is a residential area and doesn’t lead anywhere except to other houses so she didn’t have reason to be going anywhere else.

I am feeling intimidated. It has crossed my mind to say that I will drop dc’s off at exh’s from now on, but then I would have to see her and don’t want the drop off to be stressful for the dc’s. AIBU to think that she should back off and not get involved with the arrangements with dc’s. I think it’s bad enough that she has moved in when we aren’t divorced yet. Also why would she want to get involved with someone who isn’t divorced yet and hasn’t made proper arrangements regarding the dc’s.

He was abusive to me during the marriage and was a long time before I saw his true colours.

Is there a neutral point where you could drop off and pick up.
I had similar situation and abusive exh dropped them off at my mum's as I would be a total wreck if he dropped them at my house.

I don’t see how she has ‘harassed’ you?

I can’t see what you’re calling harassment here?? She’s part of his life, she’s just in the car while he picks them up, she’s not done anything or said anything harmful. Pick your battles. This is stress over nothing.

I guess I’m just thinking of what I would do if things were the other way around. I wouldn’t pick the dc’s up as I would leave that to the dc’s parents. I certainly wouldn’t be driving past his ex’s house. Which I find weird and can’t think of a good reason why she would want to. Makes me wonder if she has done it before and I didn’t see.

I’m afraid this is out of your control, you cannot dictate who is in the car when he collects the kids or in the days they are with him.

If you find her parked outside every morning I would worry, but seeing her passing by once... I think you need to let it go.

You're going to just have to rise above it. I know it's not easy. How long have you been split?

Why do you feel intimidated?
You can't dictate how your ex leads his life, or who he sees. Why not introduce yourself to her? After all she is obviously spending time with your dc now, so maybe it would put your mind at rest to check her out ( nicely)

Ash39 I have introduced myself to her after she had been badmouthing me in front of the kids and I asked her to back off and that she wasn’t welcome at my house.

My ex just backs her up and seeing as I am living in near poverty because he doesn’t pay child maintenance on time and doesn’t see why he should give me any money at all hence why I have turned to the court route.

I am sick of them involving the dc’s in matters that shouldn’t concern them and basically using them to get at me. So yes it does feel like harassment. Myself and the dc’s didn’t ask for any of this, his abuse caused this situation and I am beginning to think that she is as bad as him for going along with it.

It sounds like your ex has met his match with her.

If you have tried to be civil with her and she has bad mouthed you, I think you have every right to be cautious about her.

Keep a note if you see her car outside your house again.

If she was fine with moving in with a man who wasn’t divorced, she is fairly slack, IMO.

Do what is best for you, you have had enough abuse. Stick to your guns about drop off.

He has probably told her some BS about you being a crazy psycho and she believes it and thinks she is going to be the one to change him... same old abusers story.🤬

I have introduced myself to her after she had been badmouthing me in front of the kids and I asked her to back off and that she wasn’t welcome at my house.

Normally you try to introduce yourself to make things better and be accessible if your kids need you, this is exactly the opposite Op, you need to back off a bit if you don’t want to end up classed as the crazy ex.

You need to start seeing the relationship of your kids with their dad as independent of the one you have with him.

Open door deposit dc. Shut door. No need to notice /not notice her.
Imo you give her far too much head space.

Hi OP you need to find some strength to detach with dignity. Every time you concern yourself with them you are negatively preoccupied which means that you can’t be positively emotionally present for your DCs.

This will harm them. They need you now more than ever to redress the damage he has done. Don’t give your finite emotional resources and energy to them - give it to your DCs instead. You cannot be in two emotional spaces at once - be positive and focused in DCs world - not drained by those two bastards.

Turn your back on them and clear them from your mind - otherwise you will end up bitter and depressed and your DCs will suffer from that and there are still zero consequences for those two nasty people.

One day you will thank her for taking this useless idiot off your hands.
Until then try your best not to show any negative emotion about them to your dc.
I too often wonder why some women make it their business to interfere in the lives of those such as your dc and you.

Thanks for the messages. Just wish the dc’s didn’t have to go through this. I really do try to detach. They just got to me tonight. Seems that my whole life is in the hands of the courts atm and unfortunately these procedures take months to sort out. Been feeling quite low to be honest but try to put on a brave face for dc. Xmas was hard.

It will get easier x

Ime accepting of the gf will piss ex off even more....