For several years my partner has suffered from depression which has meant that at times he is very angry, and more often than not this is directed at me. There has never been any physical abuse but he can be very critical, flies off the handle over things that I don’t feel warrant it and sometimes accuses me of really horrible things that I don’t feel i deserve. He also suffers from sleep issues and various psychosomatic illnesses, which has an impact on our family life, and limits our ability to socialise as a family.
For clarity’s sake, my husband has had various courses of therapy as well as treatment with anti depressants but this has sadly not improved things for him/ us. In fact unfortunately he is now showing strong signs of entering another depressive episode and seems volatile and if i’m honest a bit unhinged. For the first time I now feel a bit scared of him and so, I am now at the point that I have had enough. After years of hoping things would get better, I now know that I need to end my marriage, but I have no idea where to start.
I have previously spoken to my husband about my concerns but he typically gives me the silent treatment or goes to sleep and doesn’t mention it again, so I actually need to sit him down and tell him very clearly that it is happening. I would really appreciate any advice from people who have done this previously. Anything that you did to ensure it was clearly understood and led onto next steps? Also anything that made it easier on you and on the other person?
I would also really value any advice about how you go about doing the actual physical separation? I earn enough to be financially self sufficient, and as the one who is consistently well enough to look after our kids I would ideally want to stay in my home. I suspect however that my husband will refuse to move out and/ or use his continued presence here as a way to exercise power. Anyone with experience of persuading a partner to move out?
Last of all in terms of childcare: I imagine my husband will push for 50-50 which I really don’t want, at the minute anyway when I do genuinely feel that he is unpredictable and that my kids may not be safe with him. I would be really grateful for any ideas of where and how to raise these concerns in order to avoid a situation that might not be safe.
Thanks in advance. Blimey that was hard to write 