Here goes .
I was in a 5 year relationship with a man who it very quickly became apparent was something wrong.
He told me he was cold and couldn't empathise. But I loved him and I ploughed on.
I ploughed on to try and give him a child he told me he wanted , then didn't when during the second trimester we found out she had a genetic disorder.
I had a tfmr. It traumatised me . It didn't touch him and he said "it " would be a millstone around our necks .
I took 12 weeks off work because the job I do is in a similar field . He told me I was an embarrassment to him .
He told me I had used emotional blackmail to get him to stay with me after the diagnosis. (When it became apparent termination was the only option I asked him to take some time off - he didn't and on the day I took the tablets 48 hours prior to termination I did issue an ultimatum because he was going to drop me at home and go to work . I told him if he left me then he shouldn't bother coming back. But he resented me and called that emotional blackmail.
6 months later he booked us a holiday. Just before the departure date we argued and he asked his ex to go instead, she said yes . Only when I kicked off did he retract and take me .
Due to that argument he changed his will without my knowledge to leave the house I was sharing and paying towards to his ex. I found this out a year later. (So had he died I'd have been turfed out with nowhere to live because he left the house to his ex)
This is all fairly bad isn't it ? There's more I won't bore you with.
In September this year he did his usual trick of telling me to leave after an argument. But this time I did. I slept in my ex husbands box room for 3 months with a suitcase and a dog .
I found a rental and moved . I've been off work since October. I'm financially up shot creek because due to this shit relationship I ended up with an IVA and now I've moved out I can't meet my minimum payment. This puts my ex husbands house in jeopardy. My ex husband is probably still my best friend and my daughter (adult) still lives there . She is only 22 and is currently being investigated for lymphoma.
I feel I ca t take anymore.
My dick of an ex wanted to stay "friends " and still has some of my things.
Tonight for the first time ever I lost it via WhatsApp- called him a narcissistic dick who needs to look in the mirror and I've blocked his arse on every format.
He responded by taking me off the family sharing for Apple
Music ....ok! I don't give a shit .
He then messaged me via text saying he's put me back on sharing but was blocking me after that .
I text saying I didn't need it .
This is a man I gave up an awful lot for and thought was the love of my life . I know he isn't but I can't just turn my feelings off as it seems he has .
I can't be friends.
He was going to let my dogs out for me when I went back to work but obviously that's gone out the window.
Please tell me I've done the right thing. I know tomorrow I'll regret it and be tempted to unblock. I've been totally stuck in limbo for 3 months because I kept hoping for reconciliation. I know he's not for me . I know he's cruel and unfeeling. He's been very verbally abusive in the past and has always stalked me online - he copied private conversations with a friend and screen shot them to "prove" I was untrustworthy because I spoke about him.
He also stalks me online and here but I actually don't care anymore.
I just need some perspective.
I've wakes in egg shells for 5 years while he sneered at everything I did and everything I am.
I do believe he has NPD and I'm co dependant, but he says I'm too selfish to be codependent.
The other day he brought some of my belongings back - it was raining and he parked in a puddle . He was in a foul mood. Later I messaged asking why the mood and he told me he "loved parking in puddles and making several trips to the car in the rain"
As if the weather was my fault ?! He's now blaming me saying because I keep "pestering " him (for the rest of my things and a couple of jobs I needed doing in my rental) he is having to transfer jobs to a whole new part part of the country and he's having to sell his house to get away from me .
I've blocked him . I rue the day I saw him and I'm never speaking to him again.
I've done right haven't I? Eventually I've seen the light . Please keep me resolute and strong . I'm scared . I'm alone at 48 and I'm done for financially. I would have taken him back up to today. I have nothing left .