Baby is 8 days old.

[kerryanna98]

Hey. Had my baby 8 days ago, easy birth etc had her at 5.44pm and was home by 10pm that night and walking around. But I haven't stopped from the following day.

My partner is off until next week still and he's Amazing with our little girl but he hasn't even had to change her nappy yet or her. He's given her a few bottles but that's about it. Our home is spotless, still cooking long homemade meals too. Doing all the big hit feeds the lot. This morning I asked him to let the dog out for a wee and he moaned so I said "oh right I'll just settle the baby, let the dog out and clean up yeah" he said yeah. I've just had a breakdown, I've had no tears until now but I think that just takes the piss. I settled the baby and got back into bed he's walked in and then walked back and in a huff and just closed the bedroom door. Please tell me this can get better, I would never expect him to do feeds when he's working etc but he moans even if I ask him to let the dog out ffs

I need to keep a tidy environment for my little one and I've always had a clean home. As for meals I also need to eat. I'm off to bed for a few hours anyway

Why can’t he keep a clean home for all of you, and why can’t he feed you? You’ve just had a baby! What a shit husband

You’re making / made a rod for your own back.

he's Amazing with our little girl
No, no he’s not.

Stop doing so much. No idea if he’ll step up, probably not given he moaned so much about letting the dog out but you should have a discussion with him and make it clear he needs to do more.

"I need to keep a tidy environment for my little one"

Why? Your newborn really doesn't know or care what the house looks like. Your baby just needs you.

"I've always had a clean home."

And now life has changed and what you 'always' did will have to adapt. When my baby was little yes my skirting boards got dusty and yes the stairs never got hoovered, but nothing bad actually happened.

You can ignore everyone on this thread but we are only trying to stop you from burning out.

I think ultimately the problem is the father not stepping up but by running around yourself you're not really helping yourself either.

You're both at home at the moment so should be doing 50/50 of the work. 50/50 nappy changes, 50/50 night wakings, 50/50 cooking and cleaning.
If he wont do night wakings, he needs to do more cooking and cleaning.

When he goes back to work you will probably need to lower your standards of cleaning and cooking for a while. Can still be homemade if you want, but easy things that can just go in the slow cooker or oven. You don't want to overdo things because you'll just be exhausted.

Agree with everything others have said and in addition, why is it you having to remind him to let the dog out for a wee?

If it's a family dog, he shouldn't really need you to remind him of that.

Amazing with our DD? Sorry but I'm missing where he's amazing?
He is useless and selfish.
Forget the tidying- it's not important.
I was once told by my health visitor they don't want to see a spotless home they want to see a well looked after mum and baby.
You need to rest and look after yourself. Even if it was an easy birth you still went through a lot physically and mentally.
Forget home cooked meals, now is the time for convenience food.
He should be looking after you not the other way round.

You need to look up what amazing means and then ask him to actually be it.

@Yetanotherwinter ah thanks, but to be honest I don't think it's that unusual, or at least it shouldn't be.

I am surprised (and annoyed) though by the amount of friends/relatives of mine who comment that their partner hardly does any nappies. Why is that seen as okay?! Mine doesn't much now, as the toddler won't let him so it's generally easier for me to, but before he had an opinion on the matter he did at least 50% of nappies when he was at home. Often more.

An 8 day old baby doesn't need a (particularly) clean house. They need feeding, changing and cuddles. He's opting out of at least 2 of those things currently so how can you describe him as 'amazing'?!

Be kind to yourself, I found day 8 really hard. Hopefully your partner will settle down and realise he needs to step up. I'd be doing less, you need to rest too, and tell your partner really clearly what he needs to do. All the best xx

You need to make your partner accountable from day one or he will get into a bad habit of not doing anything / much at all with the baby. Re in force it from day one - men struggle to bond as quick with the baby but you need to get him to start doing things.

There’s absolutely no reason why he can’t feed the baby if you’re bottle feeding and change baby nappies etc. He’s the father he needs to his bit.

A baby is a full time job / do not let him get off with the ‘I go to work card’ because he will.

This is just the beginning - you’re not a single parent and he needs to pull his weight but he won’t if you don’t make him accountable.

In what way do you feel he is amazing with his daughter?

I agree with every other poster and just wanted to add that there is often a big hormone surge around day 8 so be extra kind to yourself

I continue to despair at the low standards on here. So many women post that their partners are "amazing fathers". When you scratch the surface that seems to boil down to the fact that they acknowledge their kids and occasionally deign to play with them.

OP, find your backbone and your standards and get angry. Then give him both barrels. Is this what you want your DD to grow up and aspire to? A man who hasn't even changed a nappy and is complaining about being put upon? What a selfish tosser. If he can't help then he may as well pack up and fuck off somewhere else - it'll be one less person to 'Mummy'.