My husband and I are having major marriage problems. Its a long story but I feel so confused on how we;ve got to this point. Here goes.
Background: I have suffered from a long term illness (m.e. and fibromyalgia) for over 20 years. Was bed bound and in a wheelchair for over 10 years. Met my husband nearly 4 years ago at a time I had improved health but was still limited to what I could do daily(couldnt work,lived with parents,no responsibilities).
Fast forward a couple of years and we are now married with a baby on the way. I suffered with extreme morning sickness my whole pregnancy(was on medication and had to be rushed to hospital on boxing day with suspected sepsis). Pregnancy was tough on my body and my health did dip a bit. But still was just about managing household tasks cooking dinner etc.
Our daughter was born August 2019 and she is amazing. The c section took a toll on me physically and since then my m.e. has gotten slightly worse. I am managing to care for baby and do many of the new tasks that arise for a new baby as well as food shopping a.d housework. I am doing every night the 2am feed(husband does dream feed as if I to bed at 8.30) even tho I never get back to sleep after. When my husband is at work my mother comes over every day (arrives and gos before husband returns from work) to help me so Im able to manage household and baby tasks. I am exhausted every single day as any new mum is but with my condition it is amplifie.
We have been been bickering a bit more recently but put that down to new baby stress and lack of sleep. However everything came to a head this Xmas. We both have large close families and my husband struggled with the idea that we may not see all his family on Xmas day as we were busting both parents on the day and baby gets cranky by the end of the day so needs to be out to bed around 6ish. New year's eve we disagreed when he wanted to do his usual of going to his parents and seeing in the new year. They live in a small semi,currently have their daughter and her 7 month old who screams for hours in an evening staying with them. He wanted to bring our 4 month old over,who also screams at night and wakes multiple times. I said she was too little, I struggle with my energy levels in the evening and so this year I think we should stay home and he Can do it next year. Thus didn't go down well.
Now we are at a point that I dont know if hes having a meltdown or something(he has a stressful job and is dreading going back to work. But hes now saying the following
He thinks I make him clock watch when we go see his family (on odd ocasions I have asked to not stay long due to health or we've had to leave a bit early due to health)
Says he doesnt believe the severity of my condition. That Im milking it and using it to do cohesive controlled behaviour (had to actually Google what that was).
Frustrated he cant at the moment play squash or go out in evenings as Im so shattered I find it exhausting to jostle baby for over an hour each evening.
Finds it weird I get my mum to help me each week day (Even tho she doesnt actually do that much and is also there for my company as having been ill for so many years I lost alot of friends. He also gets on great with my parents).
When I tell him its early days and its not always going to be like this he says he doesnt believe me and sees me pulling him away from his family(he/we see his parents few times a week, his sisters & gran regularly who I am all really close too).
Says he doesnt understand my illness an cant believe im exhausted every day.
Said he thinks I have post natal depression (I dont at all Im just exhausted with a new baby.and as my mother said if for 1 second she thought I did she would have said something by now)
Also he thinks baby goes to bed too early (6-6.30) even tho at this point shes showing all tired signs. (Such a random issue).
Hes always struggled with change when it comes to his family since I met him. They are lovely and all very close. But marriage is compromise and he cant always do what he did as a single man.
After all of this I asked him to leave as he wasnt making sense and I couldnt see how we could get thru this if thats what he thinks of me and who I am.
He says I complain every day about how tired I am and bring him down. Doesnt seem to think his daily complains of work, skin condition, slight weight gain is the same (never once have I dismissed him. Always listened always supported).
He is the love of my life and I am absolutly devastated at what hs saying. He is usually such a loving and caring husband but hes become so emotionless.Am I wrong to be upset/annoyed/hurt?