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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WWYD ?

13 replies

user21435 · 28/12/2019 22:22

Posting for advice / opinion:

Was having an argument with partner. We had slightly raised voices but were not shouting.

Part way through the argument she walked toward me and physically pushed me backwards. Only lost my balance for a split second. No harm done but it was completely unprovoked. I am a bit shocked really and a bit ashamed to mention it to anyone / do not have anyone to mention it to.

What would you do?

Reading previous threads on here if I was a lady I should strongly consider leaving the relationship.

Does the advice differ because I am a man?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 28/12/2019 23:00

I don't think it's any different because you're a man. Physical violence isn't acceptable and you should dump her. She's abusive

Original poster
user21435 · 28/12/2019 23:05

thank you.

OP posts:
Tarttlet · 28/12/2019 23:26

You need to take steps to keep yourself safe, whether that's in the relationship or not. It is your choice whether to end the relationship or not, but know that it is no more acceptable for your partner to push you than for a man to push his female partner.

If you need to talk to someone about what has happened and your options you can call the Men's Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. There's a page here with opening times of the line and ways you can keep yourself safe in the meantime www.mensadviceline.org.uk/help-and-information/heterosexual-male-victims-of-domestic-violence/

crankysaurus · 28/12/2019 23:32

I agree and would also add www.mankind.org.uk/ to contact as well as the men's advice line.

Tired26 · 28/12/2019 23:34

Has this ever happened before? If so leave as it will only get worse.
Did she apologise?If this has never happened before you need to talk to her and find out what was going on in her head! Make it clear that sort of behaviour is not acceptable and you will not tolerate it. Let her know that if she ever even thinks about doing that again you will be finished.

conduitoffortune · 28/12/2019 23:46

I wouldn't talk to her about it, I'd just bin her. No discussion required.

AllThatPalaver · 29/12/2019 06:19

Does the advice differ because I am a man?

Not at all but I think the LTB calls are OTT male or female if it's the first and only time this has happened, it wasn't overly aggressive, no one was hurt, etc. But I'm in the minority, here everyone is quick to LTB over small things as well as large things.

But you know her, is this her usual behaviour, do you want to end it? None of these questions can be answered by anyone else especially by the limited info given.

mamato3lads · 29/12/2019 12:46

Not at all different. How dare she push you! You could have fallen and really hurt yourself. What then ??

This is out of order and she needs to know that she can never lay a finger on you again or you're gone.

Sending love x

Aussiebean · 29/12/2019 12:51

How long have you been together?

Is this the first time you have had an argument?

If it is, she is showing you how she deals with conflict and you should pay attention.

You said you weren’t shouting, and wasn’t heated. To react physically to a low level fight will indicate what she will do if you are heated.

It’s not a good sign.

Duchessgummybuns · 29/12/2019 12:54

No one has the right to put their hands on you with aggression, whether you are male or female.

ChristmasFluff · 29/12/2019 12:55

I think people lose sight of what is 'normal' in a relationship, let alone healthy.

Normal people do not turn violent when they argue. Pushing is violence.

I wish I'd LTB the first time he pushed me. I waited way too long and put up with way too much.

If you choose to stay, only do so on the condition that if she is ever violent in future (and this includes intimidation, such as damaging property or acting out/threatening violence without doing it etc) then that is the end. Mean it.

Also watch out for other controlling behaviour that may have passed you by up to now. If there is any sign of it, don't waste your time on second chances. Get out. Some people have no knowledge of domestic violence, and think 'communication' or 'anger issues' etc is the root of such problems. It isn't - control is the root, and if you look, and see it in your relationship, then you really need to get out.

Take care of yourself Flowers

CoffeeCoinneseur · 29/12/2019 13:04

Does the advice differ because I am a man?

Why would the advice differ because you are a man?

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2019 13:10

Nah. It wasn't even like it was a screaming match and she's already shoving you. What about next time if the argument escalates and she descends into hitting you. I'd cut my losses n go. Not because it is abusive, because she cannot control herself in a respectful, adult manner.

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