i hit my h and he hit back

[neednewbag]

but i'm finding it hard to forgive him even tho i hit first. any opinions?

I have hit out at my dh a couple of times and he has done the same to me. Not full blown hits, rather slapping each other in the way of a frustrated child. I am not proud of it and I hope my dh isn't either, but there is one thing I am sure of: our relationship is not on the verge of breaking down. So I don't agree that your relationship is over. I think it sounds like you need to do some long hard talking to discuss whatever issues you have. If you need to do it in front of a third party, eg Relate, then so be it.

As for forgiveness, I think there needs to be some on both sides but if you hit your dh first, then there is definitely more need for forgiveness from him than from you.

Of course-I remember now LGJ!! Unmistakable!!!

I remember hitting my DH once, in a mucking around kind of way - and was horrified that he did the same back, i just wasn't expecting him to.

When I said, but you can't hit me back he said why, why it is ok for you to hit me, and why it is ok for you to expect me not to hit you back...

I am now older and wiser and firstly can't imagine hitting him in anger or mucking around, and secondly can't believe that I thought that it was ok for me to hit him and for him not to reliate..

but it just seems so bad because i thought most men wouldn't hit a woman , even if they were hit first. he didn't hit me hard, he says he can hardly remeber anything about it, he was just so shocked that i'd hit him. my sister said mabye it was a sort of reflex instant reaction.

You're running multiple threads, I suspect because you're not getting the support you were hoping for on your other thread? You are partly to blame for the situation you find yourself in (based on your comments in the other thread).

I feel you are feeding off the drama, rather than trying to do anything to address the problems. I know your dh has agreed to call a counsellor (again), but what about you?

If you truly felt the need for support, you would not have waited 24 hours before you came back to this thread. IMO

I'm sorry but why should he feel guilty, as you say he probaly hit you back as a reflex.

Have you asked for his forgivness.

As an adult you should expect to be hit back if you hit anyone male or female.

i know it was very wrong of me to him and yes, i have said how very sorry i am

Firstly - it depends why you hit out. If there are fully understandable reasons ... which possibly are more likely with the female... aggh! Feminist stance!

Secondly ... since most men are actually stronger ... I think that only restraint is acceptable. Not reciprocal agression.

Only the couple can decide really whether it is frustration, devastation or violence.

so forestfrn, you think it's justified for me to hit him? i feel truly ashamed that i resorted to such a thing and he's told me he was in pain all night from where i hit him. i had no pain from where he retaliated - maybe it was just a reflex/shock thing. also when i threw a glass down the stairs at him, he did nothing,just kept away from me - even cleaned up all the mess himself!!!

I once hit a bloke I was going out with, in a furious row and he was scaring me with his prescence, shouting in my face and I panicked and slapped him across the face - he slapped me back across the face and knocked me over.

I was so shocked!!! and it really, really hurt...BUT

I didn't make a big fuss about it cos I shouldn't have hit him first, it works both ways.

We talked it through, both apologised and discussed how we'd got to the point where I felt it was a last resort to hit him.

I never hit him again and he never hit me.

You hit each other. You both promise not to again and get over it.

Tis not a big deal unless you are frequently battering one another.