unofficially seperate.... is there such a thing? we are in denial....

[my2020newdecade]

pretty much do our own thing, though generally eat together with DC. seperate bedrooms, using mutual snoring as an excuse. haven't actually tackled the problem, we've just eased into this lifestyle I suppose. So pretty much seperate, no?

If you've emotionally checked out of the relationship then it's probably emotional divorce.

To truly know where you are at you need to communicate to each other and be honest. If you want it to work then maybe counselling for both of you separately and together

What do you want to happen? Have you checked out of the relationship? Do you want to separate officially?

You two need to talk about it and see if you are in the same place

This doesn't really sound like you're separated - you live as a domestic unit, eat together, there has been no discussion about a change to the state of the marriage, etc. The only separated thing is the sleeping situation, and lots of happy, committed couples have separate beds.

Put it this way, if I was dating a guy who claimed he was "separated" on the basis of what you've said here, I would call him a liar.

The aspect that would make you separated would be an honest conversion about how you both felt and what you wanted the situation to be. Do you want to be separated, OP? Do you want to stay together? Are you happy with these parallel lives, or do you want to change things?

Whatever you want, I don't think that this "unspoken arrangement" should really continue. There's too much scope for misunderstanding - what if one of you decides that it's OK to sleep with someone else, and the other gets really hurt?

Non of this means anything as some couples live like that happily and consciously while others live like that but are actually separated and due to finances or practical arrangements remain in the same house.
The crucial deciding factor is whether you both know and have said out loud that you are separated or not.
If you have not said it then you you are officially a couple still.. it all depends on what you said out loud to each other.

Similar situation here. It's like living parallel lives.
I can't even be bothered to talk to him now because he either doesn't listen to me or 'hears' something I haven't even said! He thinks everything is a dig at him....
This is after 30 years together.