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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to mend a broken heart?

10 replies

heartheal · 28/12/2019 17:52

I know that time will heal but I’m desperate to ease the pain I feel.

Any strategies gratefully received. I feel as I would do anything right now.

OP posts:
keepingtheplantsalive · 28/12/2019 18:21

One thing a friend did for me was to take me on a very very long walk, where she made me walk very quickly, and let me just talk. It was actually very helpful.

I'm with you though, even though its been a while for me, this week has been hard. I think the lack of care at a time when we talk about love cuts deep. I can't decide whether to wallow in my pit or go out and try and forget.

heartheal · 28/12/2019 19:02

Sorry to hear it’s been hard. I shall be glad to get next week out the way!

OP posts:
keepingtheplantsalive · 28/12/2019 19:34

Yeah, me too! New year, hopefully a fresh start. Have you been split up long?

intheheat · 28/12/2019 19:38

You have to go absolutely no contact including no checking his social media. Act as he has died. That and time are the only things that will help. X

lexiepuppy · 28/12/2019 19:51

Write yourself an Ick list of all the things that pissed you off about him as he was not perfect, and look at it when you remember him as being wonderful!

Delete and block him on your phone and social media.
Don’t listen to music that reminds you of him or go to old haunts.

Put any reminders of him in a box and store it away or give it to charity.

Anytime you want to contact him or are thinking of him go on YouTube and look at these relationship videos:
Matthew Hussey
Susan Winters
Alex Cormont
Derrick Jaxn

Just remember he was a wanker and he didn’t deserve you!

Flowers
TheCatWithTheHat · 29/12/2019 00:53

The reality is that it's pretty much just time that heals this pain, and it can be a long process. But you can make it easier by keeping busy to make that time appear to go more quickly. Take up a new hobby, go out with friends, watch a film or just go for a walk and force yourself to think about positive things. Instead of dwelling on things you wanted to do with your partner in the future, think of things that you can do.

I really struggled with a break up years ago, and one thing I found helped was to go outside and just look up at the sky on a nice day - there's something really heart-warming about looking up at the sun and a blue sky.

The worst thing is to sit dwelling on it for too long, however you should allow yourself some time to be upset, think about it and process it - but try to set yourself a time to do this, and force yourself to do something else afterwards to take your mind off it.

Also with my last breakup, I found keeping a diary useful as it gave me an indication of how far I'd moved on. I've just read the one I wrote 6 months ago when I was dumped by my girlfriend of almost 8 years, and the day after we broke up, I cried solidly for 1-2 hours - it wasn't even crying, it was whole-body sobbing that physically hurt. I've never felt pain like it. But just weeks later, I felt generally OK. Not 100% over it, but actually happy for the majority of the time.

You will get there - everyone does - even if it doesn't feel like it right this moment.

BuddhaAtSea · 29/12/2019 01:03

Grief is just a lot of love with nowhere to go. Find a worthy recipient of that love. The best thing, I think, is to pour it into yourself. Take care of yourself the way he couldn’t.

I would talk to friends, but I would give a ‘sanitised’ version, do most of the talking by writing everything down. If you can afford a counsellor, try that.

Exercise. As often as you can. It takes your mind off things and releases good hormones.

We’re not looking for happiness, we’re looking for familiarity.

heartheal · 01/01/2020 10:24

A belated thank you.

I realised reading the replies that is all very new and I’m not quite ready to let go yet. Am still hoping we’ll get back together.

I need to let go of that first.

OP posts:
newdecade20 · 01/01/2020 10:35

It's a cliche but it really does get better in time.

I keep a diary on a Word document and I find it's a good way of venting. Write down everything you are thinking/feeling and you can always delete it. When you look back at previous posts you can see how far you have come with dealing with the hear break. All the best Thanks

newdecade20 · 01/01/2020 10:36

Sorry ... heart break Blush

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