Is it weird that...

[MotherisourSlave]

a guy I’ve just started chatting to, OLD, has suspended his account even though he’s only been on the site less that a week because he doesn’t want any other distractions while he gets to know me?

I’m fairly new to this and haven’t had much luck so far so I would appreciate your opinions. Thank you.

It could be some weird tactic to lull you into thinking he's really into you. Then he will try to shag you and then dump you. Or he's a weirdo and already obsessed.

Listen to your instincts.

Have you met him in person?

I wouldn't judge too much. Horses for courses.

Haven’t met him yet. We only started chatting this morning.

I feel it’s too full on and a bit much but maybe I’m just being too wary/cynical?

I’m four years out of an almost 30 year relationship, so a very long time since I’ve dated.

Perhaps he has a busy life. Chatting online can be very time consuming. If he likes what he knows about you so far then perhaps he just wants to focus on finding out more about you. Or he could be an obsessive controlling nutcase. You don't know without getting to know him. If you want to.

Is he over 60? I wonder if it's generational.

My DP didn't go online on tinder between when we started chatting and when we arranged to meet- I could see from the app.

When I asked him about this at a later date he said he didn't want to be talking to more than one person at a time when he'd arranged to meet someone: he didn't think it was very respectful. He hasn't turned out full on or controlling, just took OLD seriously and wanted to meet someone and do it all properly.

Love bombing. Beware. I never did chit chat on old. They had four messages to ask me out or for my number. Men wanting to chat for weeks are usually married or haven't got a proper job, sometimes both.

Last time I used OLD, I matched with someone, exchanged a few messages in the app then moved to Whatsapp. We agreed to meet and I deleted the OLD app. I didn’t want to talk to loads of people at once.

Thank you all. My first OLD dilemma resolved. Five messages before I’d even woken up this morning, one telling me how he’d been thinking about me all night and couldn’t wait to chat again. I told him he was coming on way too strong for me and that I didn’t like his use of sweetie, beautiful etc. His response was to tell me I shouldn’t be so sensitive! 🙄

I spent 28 years in a marriage where I was told what I was and wasn’t allowed to feel, thanks to WA and Mumsnet I am no longer allowing anyone to tell me how to feel so I told him that no one gets to tell me how to feel and blocked him. There is a sneaky little voice telling me I’ve been too hasty but I suspect that’s conditioning from my ex.

Also I’m not sure I’m cut out for OLD, I like to meet people, see their expressions, tone of voice and body language.

Would it be too forward of me to ask to meet these guys before engaging in long drawn out text chats?

Be careful with asking that because some men will see it as a sign as you just wanting a fling and will take advantage of that.

Would it be too forward of me to ask to meet these guys before engaging in long drawn out text chats?

Of course not! You need to set your standards BEFORE dabbling with online dating. This advice is from personal experience. It was only when I set my boundaries and standards did I meet my now husband through online dating. Before then it was date after date and creep after creep.

1. Always go with your gut feeling. If it feels odd, uncomfortable it's a red flag and they're not for you.

1. Write a list now of what you expect/need from your prospective partner. I don't mean eye colour or money but someone who is respectful toward you, makes you feel comfortable, someone who doesn't slaf off their ex.

You don't need to tell men you don't want to engage in long conversations before meeting, just sort out a date soonish . A nice, normal man will go with the flow and you'll be at the right pace together. That doesn't men he's the one but shows he's decent enough.

Sounds like it’ll get very intense very quickly, from your first post. And now your update with waking up to many messages... love bombing to get you smitten and dependent, then the abuse. Big red flag there hun.

I wouldn't be meeting anyone so quickly. I think it's better to talk on the phone than spend hours texting. Have some phone calls.

I would meet as soon as possible tbh. Somewhere neutral, for coffee or in a pub. There's no way I'd want to waste time messaging for weeks on end. You need to be around someone and know their mannerisms, personality and appearance don't turn you off!