I'm in my early 20s and finally at a point where I have more choice and autonomy over visiting my extended family.
My extended family is quite small and on my DF's side my siblings and I are the only grandchildren. I find visiting my DF's side really difficult as I feel quite uncomfortable around them and get really nervous when visiting them.
My grandparents on my DF's side are very cold and critical. I see them probably every two months and I get nervous the whole week leading up to seeing them. Preparing to visit them to me feels like preparing for a job interview. I anticipate all the questions they ask and find ways to explain various aspects of my life in a way that is most acceptable to them. Ever since I was maybe 15 the only conversations they ever have with me are about what I want to do in life and it brings me to much anxiety. Even when I graduated with a first they mentioned it for a second and then jumped straight into asking me about my plans for the next 6 months, year, 5 years, etc. It really stresses me out. I always leave their visits having been hurt in some way or another about how they have spoken to me, perhaps I am too sensitive but I just find them so critical of me. They criticise the car I drive, my diet, the way my DM raised me, etc. I leave every visit exhausted as I feel that I have to put on an act when with them. However, my siblings are much more laid back than me. They also dread and avoid their visits but when with them they are still themselves and just ignore the judgement.
I feel so much guilt everytime I avoid visiting them. My DM and DF let my siblings not have to visit them at all, for example my DSis hasn't seen them for a whole year. However they always try and guilt me into going. Every time I miss visiting them I am racked with guilt and feel awful. It doesn't help that they live a 3 hour drive away so a visit isn't just a quick cup of tea but a whole day with them. I also feel guilty as I know they love me, even if it is only because they write "love from" in birthday and Christmas cards.
Does anyone have any advice?