How to let online date know that it is okay for him to change his mind about meeting me.

[notkeen111]

I had an online date booked for yesterday and it would have been our first meeting. He cancelled on the same day however as he has gone away.

We have now rearranged for another day - well it was between a particular day and another one. I said yes to the particular day and asked if we would meet in the same place as we had planned to for the original date.

This message hasn’t been answered yet and I get the distinct impression that at this stage he is feeling obliged to meet up with me because he said yes initially.

The potential date is tomorrow - I was thinking of messaging in the morning and asking him if it is still on but also saying that it’s okay to leave it if he prefers? Not sure how to word it.

The last thing I want is to meet up with someone who just feels obliged to be there.

Yes he does sound lovely @HollowTalk.

This whole being left hanging thing has annoyed me and I am now wondering if I should send a message saying that he hasn’t got back to me, is obviously not that bothered for whatever reason and that it’s perfectly fine - I just need to know.

In any case I would find it difficult to go now since he has left it so long. The only thing I am slightly worried about is that he thinks my message was the actual arrangement. Which would make him a bit strange. But maybe he is strange and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by not turning up, strange or not. IYSWIM.

I don’t think I will be able to get properly into OLD as I think it would / will really do my head in.

What @FineWordsForAPorcupine said OP.

And I’d remember too that sone people are on here as they drifted apart, or their partner was an arse, but the majority ARE the ones who are the arse and got kicked out by their ex. Perhaps for not communicating well, or agreeing to do something and not bothering, sound familiar?!

His lack of communication this early in the relationship (if you can call it that) doesn’t bode well. Sigh.

why do people do it - seem to be interested and then become flakey

Where I have gone flakey on men, after initial being interested it has been because...

They have shown themselves to be negative, moaning about online dating etc.

They have been over keen and needy.

They have been pushy.

They seem insecure and overly grateful that I am interested.

I would rather seem flakey than give them this feedback, because unsolicited feedback is rarely welcome. I would rather leave someone feeling confused, rather than potentially angering them.

Saying he can cancel if he wants to is far too low status, don’t do It!

I would rather leave someone feeling confused, rather than potentially angering them.

I wouldn’t be angered though - just take it in my stride and move on as I have never met this person and have no idea if I would have got on with him / liked him or not.

Also he was the one who cancelled yesterday and suggested tomorrow - he could babe just said he was away for longer and would get in touch when he got back (and then not got in touch).

Also I don’t think I have been pushy or needy or all the other things (though of course who knows what turns people off) - in fact we have hardly messaged since the date was set up. He messaged me once mid week and we had a brief chat.

Surely it’s just bad manners to semi arrange a date and then leave the person hanging?

But since I don’t know him maybe he is just spectacularly inept.

But none of this feels good so I don’t need it in my life. So I could message to say that since I haven’t heard anything I am assuming the date is off and I wish him well.

the majority ARE the ones who are the arse and got kicked out by their ex - yes, I sometimes wonder about this.

have not babe -

and we have hardly messaged since the first date was set up that was meant to say.

I wouldn’t be angered though

But he doesn’t know that. When I have wanted to give someone feedback on how they’ve come across online, I’ve just thought, ‘but what if he’s one of the mentalists who’s going to have a go at me?’ Nah, not worth the potential stress!

However, I always tell someone straight if I’ve changed my mind... ‘On reflection I think we’re not a good match and have decided not to meet up.’ So yes, it is rude to leave someone hanging.

Maybe not a good sign then if you've hardly messaged each other? I would usually expect to have an ongoing chat with someone I was meeting or it would seen awkward.

Have just taken the bull by the horns and asked him directly if he has changed his mind as he hasn’t got back to me.

He apologised, said it was rude, and that he hadn’t noticed my question mark - so he thought I was just stating the location rather than asking. He said he would like to meet if I am still free, so it is back on and now I am nervous about the actual meeting.

Help!!!

I don’t know about the not messaging much - I was trying not to get attached to someone I haven’t met.

Nervous about meeting him now! It was easier when I thought he was ghosting me.

At least you know the deal now.
And to watch out for him not paying too much attention to what you say in texts lol!
men are mostly all pricks these days it would seem

Yeah but do you really want to date a guy who doesn't notice a question mark?

A bit nervous now - slight hyperventilating going on. I guess it’s the fear that we won’t gel at all.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t gel. Just send a polite text saying you don’t think there’s a spark, and move on. Meet somebody else.

Wishing you lots of luck for your date today, @notkeen111. Enjoy yourself and please report back how it goes. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

Hope it went well, OP!

Thank you for the kind good wishes.

Yes it was nice but I was nervous! Have never done this before and I don’t know what the rules are . It was nice though.

Aww glad it went well, OP! Have you arranged to see each other again?

Thanks - and yes unless it falls through, and I am going to be more nervous this time I think. I feel like I used up all of my interesting conversation and/or questions today and have none left!