Other woman comparisons

[tabletipper]

looking for opinions and advice from wives/GF who have came out or going through this
I am the wife who is just trying to cope with discovery that the OW emotional/ texting/ messaging is utterly beautiful everything I am not. gorgeous hair great body beautiful Instagram model (no exaggeration) exotic i.e south American Latina not Scottish freckled and feeling old like me.
Is it any better if the other woman isnt these things in your opinion- not prettier slimmer sexier than you? Is the pain any different ?
please be gentle I mean no disrespect my confidence and self esteem has been obliterated I'm devastated and trying to get through the next hour/day
thanks

From my experience, it's just as shit no matter what they look like. One was a bit of a rotter and the other was slim and quite pretty but both hurt just as bad.

Sorry you're going through this xxx

thanks that's what I wondered I have never really felt that pretty- rightly or wrongly believed my husband to be more attractive of the 2 of us anyway I'm not blameless in how things deteriorated for this to happen in the first place but I am torturing myself even on my best day I'd never look like her children and surgeries made sure of that.

It’s easier to criticise yourself if you see the OW as prettier etc.

It’s your H who is the ugly little shit in all of this.

And the OW must have something huge lacking on the inside to be going after a married man.

It will get easier with time

In a Facebook group I'm in a woman posted that her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated but she said what she was most upset about was the OW's looks etc. The OW was about 10/12 years older and stone heavier than this woman, she had messy hair, no makeup/visible grooming, wore leggings/t-shirt/flip flops every day and the woman posting did everything to try and make herself the image of what her husband said he found attractive slim, hair styled, wore dresses, makeup/visible grooming, nails done etc. She said she could understand if he left her for someone more attractive than her. So I think it probably depends on the person because she had plenty of people who agreed with her.

All of that was her opinion though, not mine. I always thought it'd hurt no matter what the other person looked like.

I'm sorry you're going through this but it hasn't happened because of your looks, it's happened because he chose to do a shitty thing

I think it's worse when the OW is less attractive. It leaves you wondering if maybe you're just not enough personality wise, that maybe you're boring after all. I'm considered to be good looking, never short of admirers etc. and my ex cheated on me a few times, the one that destroyed me was the dumpy mousey woman. The others hurt, and were pretty but they were true to type, the less attractive one was not someone that stood out, but really threw me. It felt like more of a kicking.

It is most probable,that a cheated on woman,will firstly only think of the OW being attractive,beautiful,whatever, Its generally what you think a man would stray for. It might be in lots of cases, but not always.

There is know knowing what goes on,in some dumb men's minds.

Well, it is easy to see yourself as less attractive after been cheated on, your self esteem is not at its highest. But it is going to hurt regardless.

My XH cheated with a friend of mine. I suddenly felt I was not beautiful enough, slim enough (I was 9 months pregnant), etc. At the time everybody told me I was prettier than her, and they were just probably been kind.

A few years later, I don't care about her, the ugly is him. When I see her around... I am worth way more than her, and I don't mean only looks wise. And as she was my friend, I know she had a big complex with her height and kept comparing herself to me all the time.

Best karma? XH new girlfriend looks a lot like me (but older ). The pathetic arse (XH). It looks like he knows exactly what he lost.

It's a difficult one and I'd be suspicious of photos on line as people can look very different in RL.
It really has little to do with looks it's getting on with someone that counts. In time the pain will fade and you will realise what a good person you are and how you do not deserve this.

My ex fiance left me for someone really unattractive. But she was definitely a lot more bubbly and funny than me. It still hurt a lot. I think whichever way it goes, it hurts.

Hugs for you OP. Try to block them from your mind if you can. Don't look at social media!

Attractiveness comes in many forms though doesn’t it? Or are you just saying that the physical appearance is the only relevant factor? That works both ways though - to the OW who is not what you expect and inferior in your own mind but also when comparing yourself to someone else who you perceive as more attractive too. You are also more than your external appearance.

I think it hurts regardless OP and the only favour you can do yourself is to try to not think about it or create comparisons. Affairs are often about opportunity or insecurity rather than love or some one off huge attraction.

Men always bring out words like 'beautiful' when they think they'll work and get them a shag, especially with someone new. I think it is best just to focus on how you can hold up your own self esteem instead of looking to degrade it or to allow someone else to or it spirals.

My ex cheated twice, in my opinion both women were less attractive than me and I'm no supermodel. Very long story for another day as to why I went back after the first.

He's now engaged to the second one, and it makes me smile a lot as I believe it's his Karma. When we were going through the split she emailed me and said I must have a 'magic vagina' or why else would he have been with me? I had no words, she was at least five stone heavier, three kids in tow and fell from the top branch of the ugly tree. Not judging anyone but her! She didn't get a reply to that email. They're welcome to each other I hope they're very happy together. Tee hee.

Please don't trawl through her social media pages, it is a killer and inflicts pain only on ourselves. You will get through this, it takes time but you will realise you are better off.

@BigOldOakTree sounds exactly like the sorry tale of my ex. She (OW#2) is absolutely welcome to him and I hope she's as miserable with him as I was

I used to do the comparison to the other woman in the early days of discovery, trawling social media, the works. After much intensive study I discovered something, the elusive thing that she had that I did not was she was "new", that is all. That was all it took for the great big six foot man child in my life to bin almost 20 years together, she was "new".

His cheating was nothing to do with her, or me for that matter (despite his many vocal protests that it was all my fault) it was him, he has a lack of character, no real backbone. It takes spine to tell a spouse that you are no longer happy and are leaving, it is much easier to dip your toes (and other bits) and see what is out there while maintaining the convenience and affordability of a fully functioning, still in warranty Wife-Unit at home.
I wish you well OP and I hope you find peace soon, forget her and him, no more comparisons, only madness lies that way.

There is no logic nor reason to why people cheat. Remember that you are in the company of some of the most admired women in the world:

The late Princess of Wales
Jennifer Aniston
Angelina Jolie
Emma Thompson
HRH The Duchess of Cambridge, allegedly

Sorry you are going through this - it is awful.

My XH left me for someone older than me, fatter than me and less pretty than me (his charming description - I have never met her). Did make me feel better in a way at the time, but I came to the conclusion it didn’t matter anyway - she is welcome to him and had she not willingly and knowingly slept with him behind my back, she would have had my sympathies. As it is...karma!

I feel worse if shes hotter.

A lot of these instagram "model/fitness types use photoshop and other such apps to alter the pictures op
One particular woman I was following on instagram has a large following on YouTube and she made a video of all the apps she uses to alter her appearance for her instagram pictures.
Things like
Making her waist look smaller
Making her bum look rounder
Making her tits larger and her lips fuller!
All for the sake of her instagram so the woman you are talking about probably does the same.

From my personal experience. OW try harder to please the husband or long term partner they want to attract. Some women only ever say or love a man who has a women in his life. It's a bit sad but that is what I've experienced. It's not about looks it's about the deluded energies the cheats exchange. My stbexp is haveing a secretive affair with a woman who has issues with her upbringing and they both do not know that I know. I've been on his phone and seen and he denied everything. Anyway she is 7ft tall overweight and not a person I would talk to. I am the opposite I am 5ft and a little underweight. I do ow must have severe issues to even think about going with a man who has a partner and or with children. Shame on all ow out there. They maybe beautiful on the outside although they are rotten and unloving and pretend to care on the inside.