Speaking up for yourself

[Phoenixxx]

I don't take nonsense from anyone, and I stand up for myself. A few of my mates are of the 'just leave it' variety and won't say anything kinda thing. I now have a couple of men on my blocked list (who I called out) and i've noticed that one female friend has stopped talking to me, but some others seem to respect me which is good.

Tbh this tends to be more with men that i'm standing up for myself. I do get slightly heated up but I say my piece then leave it.

I don't insult their appearance or personal things, I just call them out for what they did. I used to be such a people pleaser, and I feel like most people generally like me. I used to want to be friends with everyone and want to be liked by everyone. Should I keep going like this or just leave it ? It feels scary cutting people out, but I feel like i'm getting more confident with age.

I think as long as remarks aren't aggressive or personal, it's good to speak up. You don't seem bothered by the friend not talking to you so perhaps you have developed confidence in being your own person. I guess, by the same token, you then have to be able to take on board some people might speak their minds back.

I identify somewhat with what you say and, although I have no wish to antagonize, also have to speak up at times more than before, if something isn't right. As you get older, there's less to lose. There's so much negativity spoken about being middle aged, but I'm suddenly enjoying a certain feeling of authority at work and a sense that I can see through a lot of BS with my laser beam ‐ it's the middle aged superpower! Enjoy your mature confidence....there has to be a benefit to getting older!

Yeah keep on at it. Like you say as long as you aren’t attacking their appearance or personal things then defo call someone on how they have treated you if needs be. Wish I had more of a back bone like this

Good for you. I am like you, don't tolerate crap from anyone. If people don't like it they know where the door is.

I don’t know if it’s age or what, but lately I’ve called people out a few times when they have been full of crap or when they haven’t done their job properly....
for example yesterday I was with my dd getting a train. The station was empty, seemed empty everywhere it was like a ghost town. Got to the station, said hello to the ticket station man who looked quite bored and tapped in and went to the platform.
Our train was cancelled.
The next train was cancelled.
And yep, so was the one after.
No trains for over an hour.
Went back into the ticket hall where I clarified with the station man that all trains were cancelled.
He replied yes and that most had been cancelled throughout the day.
I queried whether, as I had tapped in, if I would be charged even if I just tapped out and left. He replied yes I would.

He pointed to the board behind me, which I didn’t know was even there, to show that the next train was also cancelled so no trains for 1hr 20mins.
That pissed me off.
We spoke, he let me tap my bank card on the reader knowing full well we wouldn’t be able to get on a train!

So I told him I was disappointed he hadn’t warned me before I lost money and told him that the decent thing to do would be to warn people.
Just then a woman came in and went to tap her card -he said nothing again! So I called out to her to stop and told her myself.

I told him he was doing a great impression of Scrooge and left.
Arsehole.

I have an ex-friend who calls herself assertive.

The phrase she is looking for is ‘lacking in empathy and unable to compromise’.

Assertive fine. So over involved with your need to prove that you ‘don’t take nonsense’ - I have to wonder if you blur the line somewhat.