When do we tell the kids?

[richteasandcheese]

Have been separated since September but living in the same house for at least another few months (although with his performance this week, I'm going to be pushing to expedite actual physical separation sooner). When do we tell the kids - I feel like doing it now will just confuse them when it could be months before a change, but then also don't want them thinking this is normal. Even with my best efforts to maintain normality and not rising to his cuntery, there's no way they can't be picking up on it (they are nearly 5 and 7)

Hi I feel for you, I'm in the same situation ☹️ been separated since January last year but he refuses to move out. Kids must be picking up on things, we're in separate rooms and much as I try to keep it under wraps sometimes my emotions get the better of me. Sending hugs, I'm holding out on telling the kids until I have a date for him to move out, he has said he'll move out in January but he keeps going back on that! If you want to chat I'd be happy to x

January, oh you poor love, that must feel like a lifetime. Thankfully we both snore so we can cover up the separate sleeping that way, but he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire and it's the open contempt that's difficult to conceal :(

It's been a horrible year and yes we've used the snoring excuse! He's being a full on Mr perfect husband and is in total denial, it's easier in the moments he loses it and gets narky!! How are you coping, have you got lots of support? Hope things move on quickly for you, it's excruciating isn't it! 💐

Not a huge amount of support - parents are concerned for me but not very proactive, and friends are supportive but there's little they can do bar being a sounding board. It's only now I'm telling people about the emotional abuse and I suppose for some, it's hard to believe

It's hard to get across how bad it is isn't it, people only see the public persona 🙄 good friends are keeping me going at the moment but I've had enough. He asked me today why I was being so horrid, erm I've been stuck with you for a year longer than I wanted and no sign of you actually moving out! Can't believe how thick skinned he is!!!!! Have you got friends who have been through it? How long do you think it will be before you can separate? Will you be staying in the house? I'm hanging on but at times I just think I should sell and move on but it will be so unsettling for the kids 6, 11, 14) x

No I'm the only one whose marriage is a disaster...well, that I know of. I'm sure everyone thought we were hunky dory so i know outward appearances mean nothing

I’ve been living with mine 6 months since we separated. He’s moving out in Feb and we’ll tell our 4 year old 2-3 weeks before. She just wouldn’t understand anything else I don’t think and it didn’t seem fair.

Thanks squigglybook - that's what I was thinking but it's so hard. How have you been coping?

It’s been up and down but overall not been too bad, we don’t hate each other although I obviously have a lot of anger at him leaving. We mostly avoid each other. I stay upstairs and him downstairs!

That's pretty much how we work it. I hate him though