How do you persuade someone to seek help for a health concern?

[EoinMcLovesCakeJumper]

I've just got home from spending Christmas at my parents'. For full disclosure, I don't have an easy relationship with my mother (who's 75), she's always been somewhat difficult and over-sensitive, apt to fly into a rage if she feels she's been slighted or criticised. She overreacts to a lot of things that most people wouldn't even think twice about. Over the years, I have learned to just let it go and not disagree with her. Nodding and changing the subject is my usual tactic.

This year, though, I've noticed quite a drastic decline in her short-term memory and her ability to cope with disagreement. Just for example, we were playing a daft who-am-I game that was inside the crackers at the Christmas dinner table, and mum was repeating questions that she had already had the answers to a couple of minutes previously. When it was pointed out to her she got disproportionately angry. Another example - she asked me if a particular actor that was on a documentary was still alive, I said yes he was, and then a minute later, when my brother came into the room, she asked him the same question again.

I think she really needs to go to the GP and be checked out - I know there are conditions other than dementia that can affect your memory and personality, so I don't necessarily want to mention that possibility just yet, but I just don't know how I would approach it. As mentioned, she gets so angry if you say anything to her that she can interpret as a criticism, and she would definitely take this badly. I think Dad is worried too but he doesn't handle confrontation well and he always manages to say just exactly the thing that will needle her. So he's a bit hopeless and I can't ask him.

Has anyone had to deal with this sort of situation and what worked for you?

I really feel for you in this situation as my dad is exactly like this. He's very quick to become annoyed with the smallest things which quickly escalate in him not talking for days - hard work!
He was diagnosed with cancer five years ago after he finally spoke to my mum about how he was feeling but he would never really talk about his health issues, only when he was ready.
He managed to put cancer in remission but has now found out he probably has Parkinson's. Very like your mum he's forgetful which is tough when you've had the same conversations five times.
My only bit of advice is try and talk about it a very calm way, you're Mum might be annoyed but eventually will listen. I'm sure inside she is grateful she just deals with her emotions differently.
I'd try and talk to your dad about it and be there for him. Since my dad has become ill just being there for my mum has helped her deal with his anger.
Good luck op

Thank you wobblywibble. I did talk to my dad a couple of years ago when mum started to become more short-tempered than usual, but he was reluctant to address it because he "never says the right thing". Admittedly he does have a habit of antagonising her by phrasing things badly. But at this stage, it's like there is no "right thing" to say any more. I will try to talk to him on his own soon and see what he thinks.

I do feel for you, it's not easy is it.
I would recommend contacting Age UK and/or Alzheimer's UK. As you say it may not be dementia, but they will be able to advise you on the topic of broaching it with your Mum.

Sounds like early on set dementia, my Mother was angry, irrational, confused. We got her referred to a memory clinic which helped us with a diagnosis but really angered her.

Five years later we are in full blown Alzheimer's, which is easier now, she's stopped going out every day and filling her home with charity shop shite. For the first time in her life, she's sweet and kind.

Good luck it's a long and bumpy road.

She is 75 now, so I don't think it would be early onset, but dementia is what I'm really afraid of. Much as I struggle with our relationship, I couldn't leave her to her own devices if she needed care, and inevitably it would fall to me to make decisions about that.

My brother is actually the only one who can say things to her without her flying off the handle. He's sort of the favoured child. Perhaps I need to recruit him for "the talk".