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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Did I deal with this all wrong? Is it my fault?

1 reply

Feellost2017 · 27/12/2019 22:16

Apologies in advance if this is long. I'm at a loss as to how this situation has escalated to the point it has. I started hanging out with a guy about 9 months ago, I knew him through friends prior to this but not very well. Things moved beyond friendship - all initiated by him but I found myself getting feelings for him.

He was suffering from anxiety and depression and I tried to support him as best I could. He moved abroad for work over the summer but came back twice for events. On both occasions there were issues with him drinking too much and getting into difficult situations. He would call me for help and I would let him stay. It was particularly bad the second time he was home, he couldn't leave the house for days on end. He had previously kept bringing up about getting into a relationship together but kept saying I would get sick of him and he'd push me away too. I was happy enough just spending time together as knew he wasn't in a good place and never pushed getting into a relationship.

After the last incident he completely changed towards me and said he had no feelings for me and just really wanted to be friends. That he was not capable of having a relationship with me or anybody. I accepted that but told him I was unsure about remaining friends as I knew my feelings were more and didn't want to get hurt. I also said to him that he really had led me on and used me to a certain extent.

On Christmas eve, his sister told me he had met someone else where he was now living. I shouldn't have done this but I text him and said I was glad he had found someone he wanted to have a relationship with and said he was a liar. He denied she was his girlfriend. I said I had always defended him to everyone and I was not the one pushing a relationship and I didn't know what I did to deserve to be treated this way. I received a string of vicious messages in response saying I had forgotten how nice he was to me and he had let me in too much and it had gone way too far and then blocked me. I had no intention of engaging anyways.

His closest family member doesn't speak to him anymore and he has a clear drinking problem compounded by anxiety and depression. But I feel so guilty that I said those things to him, that I should have let everything be and pushed my feelings aside and remained friends in case he needed help in future. Did I deal with this the completely wrong way?

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 27/12/2019 23:45

'I should have let everything be and pushed my feelings aside and remained friends in case he needed help in future. Did I deal with this the completely wrong way?'

No. You're a human being too. Your feelings are just as important as his, in fact, they should be more important to you than his, because your first priority as you is taking care of and standing up for you.

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