To give up/give less to friendships

[ohwasitsomethingisaid]

Long time user on MN but have NC as I know lots of people in real life on here and some of the detail is outing.

After a few weeks where I have felt let down by friends -all separately not connected to each other-I'm wondering whether it's time for me to reevaluate the need for friendships in my life.

To summarise. DP and I have had a turbulent few years due to a number of health issues and then sadly losing our baby as stillborn.

Despite everything I have always tried to make an effort with my friends, never forgetting birthdays etc and trying to make arrangements to see people or at least keep friendships going over text etc. Last Christmas in the wake of our loss I was particularly spend-happy making an extra fuss of every one, probably to try and give others happiness where I didn't feel it myself. I didn't try to buy friendships or anything and don't expect anything in return, and recognise this was silly on my part.

When I see my friends I don't cry and try not to be mopey or negative and always take an interest in their lives. I pride myself on being a good listener and friend.

Just recently, perhaps as I have started to feel a bit stronger in myself it's occurred to me that for some friendships it's often me instigating the arrangements and keeping the conversation going.

I think it's an emotional time of year for me but I really feel that to many I am disposable. I have been happy that I don't have a best friend (consider DP to be) and that I have a number of friends in different circles, but the stark realisation has now hit me that these friendships matter to me far more than they do to them.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? How did you move on through this?

I’m so sorry for the loss of your child. I hope you’ve been able to find love and support to help you through.
I haven’t been through similar, so can scarcely imagine the associated emotions. However, with regard to friendship, I’d suggest giving people a chance, unless someone is obviously letting it go one sided or acting in a way that’s placing a strain on your mental health. Being a good listener and remembering birthdays etc will (hopefully) bring rewards, perhaps when you’re not expecting them. Reevaluate people by all means but don’t be quick to discard.

Ime friendships get less important as people get older, have their own families, have increasing work responsibilities etc. I haven't had any friendships as intense as the ones I had in my twenties now that I'm in my thirties. I'm not attached to my friends in the same way as I used to be because my family takes up so much of my emotional energy. I also have less time to see friends.
I think you need to decide if you are willing to accept that some people aren't capable of offering more than a lukewarm friendship. Not because they don't like you, but because they can't offer more, for whatever reason.
I am not saying it shouldn't bother you, I think it's one of the losses of adulthood (for me).

I make time for friends whose company is good, who have supported me this year (which has been a difficult one) and who reciprocate the friendship by making an effort to see me or ask how it’s going. I have not made any effort to see anyone other than these few friends and it’s been liberating tbh.

Yes I've noticed that this Christmas. I haven't contacted people deliberately to see if they will contact me and guess what they haven't.

@Greydove28 feel the same