How long does it usually take to feel ready to start dating after a divorce?

[SnowyUnicorns]

As the title says really. If you were the blindsided spouse who hadn't seen the end of the marriage coming before it happened, how long does it usually take to feel ready to start a new relationship?

Long story short, earlier this year I dated someone who I have known as a friend for about 6 years for a few months. His marriage ended exactly a year ago this week. We didn't work out when we were seeing each other earlier in the year basically because he wasn't ready to move on. He has been in touch with me this week and suggested we get together and see how things go. I would love to but I don't want to get hurt again if it is still too soon after his marriage ended. I know he was extremely shocked to discover his wife had packed bags for her and their kids and left for another man without warning.

My situation was very different to his because although I separated from my husband at a very similar time, it was an abusive marriage and I had mentally checked out nearly 3 years before we separated. I felt ready to consider dating within a couple of months. They aren't really comparable circumstances.

Is he likely to be more emotionally ready to move on now or am I better to keep him as a friend?

My ex started dating the second he moved out 3 years ago (it was a long marriage) whereas I haven't started dating yet.
I don't think there's a set time, just whenever you are ready, as long as you've moved on from your old relationship.
(I have definitely moved on - I finished it with my ex - but I am loving being single and didn't want to get into another shit relationship/deal with another dickhead).

As you've already kinda understood everyone's different depending on circumstances plus everyone "recovers" at a different rate.

I foolishly tried dating about 6 months after splitting from ex but I kept panicking and running out on them! I wasn't ready.

It honestly took me nearly 4 years until I was really ready - and I'm not saying I was celibate in all that time I had the occasional ons/fling but I really wasn't ready for a relationship.

Then I met someone lovely and we were together a while but it didn't work out.

That's been the case for all my relationships since ex - the main issue is I can't have more dc and the men I was meeting wanted to have more dc or even their first dc as I was quite young at time of divorce (early 30's) so understandable life stage issues as I don't generally go for older guys it's not my thing at all. I'm bi so that was another area but I came out late in life and have only had 1 same sec full relationship and again didn't work out.

In recent years my health has been very poor and quite honestly I don't think it would be fair to burden someone with all my baggage at this point. But I'm not ruling it out for the future and I still (when I'm well enough) date casually, just have fun go on nights out or just fwb type deals - which I know don't suit everyone.

Don't feel you have to rush into anything, do what's right for you.

As for him - talk to him. Ask him if he feels really ready and be honest with him about your concerns.

If you do decide to try dating him take it slow and don't invest until you're sure.

I waited 4 years to start dating. By then I had my emotional shit dealt with, and was more than ready. In my experience, men find it harder to be on their own, so are more likely to leap into something new with their unprocessed emotional baggage still intact

cant speak from experience but a friend had a divorce and was dating within months albeit was fun - she fell into a proper relationship I think a year a bit later on & is now married to to the guy but she wanted to end the marriage.

Her ex somehow ended up getting a woman pregnant and is now with her and the kid! That was pretty soon after the marriage ended considering they had been together over 10 years married for 3/4! Huge age difference guy was a lot older.

On the other hand my sister is divorced has been for over 10+ years but hasn’t been in any proper relationships since then as she keeps attracting idiots 🤦🏾‍♀️

As others have said, it depends upon the individual and the relationship left behind. After my 15 yr relationship ended I felt terrible and was sure that I wouldn’t be ready to date for a long time. However, about six months later I met someone really special and we’re still together now. My ex is apparently convinced that it’s just a rebound thing as he thinks I can’t have moved on from him that quickly! But I think it wasn’t until the relationship was over that I realised how unhappy I was in it which has allowed me to move on relatively quickly. Guys do tend to move on faster though!