Just looking to get this off my chest and maybe for some advice or suggestions.
Been married for 13 years, 3 dc between 9 & 14.
I have always felt like the driving force in the relationship. I suggested things to do or places to go and dh would let me take charge. I guess I did lots of the 'male' jobs, driving, DIY, initiated sex most of the time and it worked in its own way.
I worked pt and h full time. I have lots of hobbies and do them and h happy in own company.
Last year we had a trauma in life that affected me badly as it involved our children and it shook me up no end. I really struggled to deal with it and ended up signed off work, on anti depressants and a bit of a mess.
I recognised h had some of the signs of depression after I started taking my tablets and suggested he too went to the doctors and chat to them. He ended up on them too.
With dh's consent I handed my notice in, earlier in the year. I had a few issues at work too on top of the trauma and thought a few months off work would help and I could be around for the children more.
I was having counselling for the trauma and regular consultation with my doctor.
One day in my counselling session, it was like a light bulb had gone off and I saw things very differently from thereon in.
I realised that my reaction to the trauma was due in many ways to the lack of support I had especially from h. I hadn't I guess, needed his support in such a way before and he couldn't / wouldn't help me.
I felt I had always been strong and reliable and there for everyone but when push came to shove I had no one there to support me.
For example, he saw me take to my bed and sob for days. He didn't hold me or say anything, he just left me there crying.
So this year has been awful. We have grown even further apart. There has been no physical contact, no hugs, no sex nothing. Any conversation is stilted and last time I asked him what he wanted or where he saw our relationship going he just shrugged.. That told me lots.
I don't want to be with him any longer. I have lost a lot of respect for him and feel like I am on my own anyway.
I have been to marriage counselling on my own. He knows about it and hasn't asked anything about it.
I'm fairness, it was not useful and I learnt nothing from it.
The children know something is not right. H had a pop at me over something and ds straight away told him to drop it.
I don't particularly want to be with anyone else, but I don't want them to see this relationship and think it's normal.
I have been to the solicitors and I stand to come out of the relationship badly but I think I am never going to be happy whilst I am living like this.
Before the trauma I had already told h I felt lonely and sad. Our sex life was infrequent and he never initiated or told me I looked nice etc. I felt worthless to him despite him knowing other men had been interested in me.
I feel so sad and lonely and often cry myself to sleep.
I had planned to try get through to Christmas and new year, sit him down and tell him it's over.
The logistics of the future is frightening but I know in order to progress I must tackle it as he won't. I'm sure he can't be happy either and I'd like to think we can be happier apart and better parents than being miserable together.