Was at grandparents house over Christmas looking at old photographs. All my cousins looked normal and stylish. My sister and I stuck out like sore thumbs. Cousins were teasing us about looking like the clampets.
I always felt awkward and unstylish as a kid. Our mum made us have short hair - I really wanted long hair like everyone else and to wear nice clothes. She always dressed us in dated slightly odd clothes - brown and green were favourites. She was very dismissive of our views and made us feel like only pretty, thin girls could have long hair or nice clothes. it would be ridiculous on us. She would say how lovely looking all our friends and cousins were - and in particular always commented on how thin people were. But obviously not us - we were embarrassing and I remember feeling we didn’t deserve the nice things.
There was a picture of a wedding - I was about 15 and a bit overweight (size 12). she didn’t buy me a new outfit so I was wearing an odd combination of my sister and her clothes. Hair not done, no make up. glasses. Braces. Everyone else looked lovely.
We weren’t wealthy, but could easily afford new clothes (that year we had a big family holiday to America). I know it’s silly but I spent all Christmas seething with her. I have had self esteem issues for a long time and my teenage years were particularly difficult. I remember people constantly sniggering about how I looked (my aunts were particularly cruel).
The photos brought back all those old feeling. Now I know to ignore her style advice - she tutts when I wear designer clothing and is obsessed with trying to get me to wear certain (wholly inappropriate) clothes to work.
But how can I stop being so angry with her for making my teenage years so much worse?