Assaulted

[Champagnetaste]

Last night went to my friends house for some Christmas drinks. Had far too many and don’t remember large parts of the night.

However she went to bed and i was there with her husband. I have flashbacks of him trying to kiss me and grope me.

I have bruises on my wrists of where he has grabbed me.

I don’t know what to do. My partner has obviously noticed the marks on my wrists but I didn’t tell him what happened.

I am so ashamed that I put myself in that position. Because I don’t have a full recollection of what happened I don’t know exactly what happened

Do you have a sexual assault referral centre (SARC) near you OP? They can help you with therapy, counselling and take any swabs and photographs of your injuries.
They will not pressure you to go to the police but can hold evidence in case you change your mind and choose to.

I certainly didn’t mean to pressure you OP. I can only speak from my own experience of being the victim and not speaking up and I do personally regret it. But that’s my story. Not yours. As PP says, take care of yourself. You come first in this.

That sounds awful! Please stop beating yourself up for getting intoxicated. It's the holiday time, it happens, and sometimes drinks just hit you heavily. Also, it's very possible your drink was altered or made extra strong. You have re-evaluated your drinking in the future, so please put that issue to the side.
It sounds like you were assaulted pretty severely. If you can't report it right now, I would recommend you at least take pictures of your injuries before they fade. That way if you decide to report in the future for whatever reason, you have it all documented. That might give you a little peace of mind, too, because it preserves some evidence if you do choose to report once the shock wears off.

If you have teeth marks you might want to consider getting a tetanus injection.

If you think you were raped you should get emergency contraception. Blood tests too.

If you were raped, it is 100% the perpetrator's fault regardless of how much you had to drink.

It is your choice to report it to the police, or not. Consider whether you might be his first and only victim or whether he is likely to do this again.

You should let your partner know, this will be a difficult conversation but easier than trying to act "normal" from this day forward.

I have taken pictures of my injuries myself and will contact sandy ford clinic tomorrow. I’m in Scotland. I can’t tell my partner, I can’t bring myself to as I feel so much like I let it happen. At this point I doubt I’ll ever drink again as I will never put myself in this position again.

... and so your assailant will get away with it! Honestly, I truly and genuinely sympathise with you. Also, I don't think you did anything wrong - if I did, I'd be guilty of victim blaming. You were taken advantage of. Please, please, consider reporting it - and also tell your partner. You need his support!

I'm so sorry this happened to you

#Ibelieveyou

I know and If I was you I would be telling myself the same thing. Hopefully once I speak to someone in real life I can take the steps needed. At the moment I’m doubting it ever happened never mind turning everyone’s life upside down especially my kids

Whatever you intend to do later, your photos are worthless unless actually seen and evidenced as real and not something that could be make up or special effects sorry. If you can't face the Police get the doctor to look at your injuries and record them.

Hope you're okay

@Champagnetaste it’s very common to believe you played a part in allowing this to happen. Or to think your initial take on it might’ve been blown out of proportion and play it down. But you haven’t done anything wrong here. It took me 15 years to realise that when it all tumbled out in counselling. Please speak to someone or at least see a doctor as mentioned above. I think a face to face chat could help you.

@Champagnetaste I know this thread has gone quiet but wanted to stress that this really wasnt your fault at all.

Whether you go to the police or not, I do hope you tell someone in real life so that you have support.

Won't your partner also see the bite Mark's? Would he think you've cheated? I'm sure he will notice a change in your personality.

Big hugs x

I miscarried two days ago. My partner went to party and left me deal with it alone as well as take care of my baby. He didn’t come home at all. He was texting apologies etc then when he came home he was speaking to me bad calling me names refusing to accept he was wrong. Then he pushed me. I’m so angry and upset. He’s mid 30s

OP you didn’t put yourself in any position. HE is the only one to blame. You should be able to do whatever you like and not be raped. What a disgusting pathetic excuse of a man. I’m worried you might be triggered when seeing him. What if he smirks or says something inappropriate? And he will probably do it again to someone else given the chance. Please report him and definitely tell your friend.