Is he interested? Am i even interested?

[Needanewstart]

So, i'll give a bit of back story, its not entirely relevant to my question but its more to give an idea of where my headspace is at right now.

4 months ago my fiance left me for another woman. In the 2 months before that i had been very ill and had suffered a miscarriage. We have 2 very small children together. Initially we were getting along great then it came out that the woman he left me for had been cheating. Even when presented with undeniable proof he still refuses to believe it so in the time since that was exposed, over 2 months ago, he hasnt seen the children, has told everyone i have stopped him seeing them and that i am the one making up lies and rumours about his new girlfriend and that i am paying his family to help me so there has been alot of arguing between me and hin and him and his family as they have stuck by me and the children and have very little to do with him because of everything. I am also due to move house next week so its a very stressful time for me. Ive never suffered with it before but my mental health has taken quite a hit recently.

Anyway a month or so ago i started talking to a guy that works in my local shop. Hes been there a few months but its only recently we've started talking. He loves the children and plays with them whenever we go in to the shop. He seems quite interested in person, and when we bumped into him in town last week he hung around waiting for us and walked with us abit when he could have quite easily snuck past and i wouldnt even have noticed him. He has added me on social media and messages occasionally. Normally if i message first. As far as i can tell from what i have seen and from what he has said i am the only person from around here that he has added and speaks to outside of work. But hes not great at replying to messages and sometimes doesnt even open them for days. Which implies hes not interested.

So my question is why does he seem interested in person but not really over text? If hes not really messaging does that mean hes just not interested?

Also i dont even know if i myself am genuinely interested or if im just kind of rebounding.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as i dont really know where my own head is at right now let alone anyone elses. Thanks

I'm wary of any man whom shows great interest in the child(ren) before the mother. Particularly as he doesn't seem that keen on you outside of the "with children" context. Two of the more serious possibilities are "sexual interest in children" and "targets mothers as they're vulnerable".

Regular men are interested in the mother, pursue her, then show an interest in her children much later if they think she's a longer term prospect - because they love the mother.

Red flags. I'd walk away from this one.

@picsinred i see where you are coming from but i dont believe it is anything like that. All of the staff, male and female play with the children when we are in the shop as it is only a little place and we are in there most days so they have gotten to know us over the years. This guy is relatively new there though and has only really started joining in the last few weeks since me and him have been talking more

He only really started talking more after someone made a joke about me bring single now to him.

Some men are just not very good at the whole messaging thing and prefer face to face contact.

I would stop messaging him first and see what happens. Generally if men are interested then they will message first or at the very least reply quickly.

If you were to pursue it I'd make sure the children were 100% out of the picture (as in no meeting him at all ever) for at least 6 months as I'd also be concerned about an odd focus on your kids.

That said, the whole situation before sounds like its been a lot of stress for you and you must have a lot to process. Starting a new relationship too soon, even one with no red flags, can make it hard to move on from a traumatic previous relationship in a healthy way.

On balance I would say no. Plus, the fact you're asking suggests your gut isn't really convinced it's a good idea, and gut feelings should be listened to!

I'd leave it , you've got small children, you've only been single for 4 months and you've loads going on

You don't need this added complication right now

The father of your children was cheating on you whilst you were pregnant and then suffering from the effects of a miscarriage, and things have been sour subsequently. You've been through the mill. Therefore, i worry that you might be investing too much emotional capital in this new guy. If he were keen he’d message more, or suggest meeting. There’s nothing wrong with being chummy with him, or with meeting up if he asks, but don’t allow yourself to get carried away via the first person who’s been attentive since your separation.

I’m surprised you’re ready to start dating again so soon. Especially with young children. Personally this has red flags all over it to me!