First Xmas separated. Hard times

[Jackit2013]

Hi. So my wife of 6 years (together for 14) left me in November. We have 2 kids, 4 and 6. I love her deeply but we drifted apart. Work, kids, money worries took their toll. But I thought we could work it out, after all I married for life, I still thought we could work it out (maybe I'm in denial ) but she was done and left. We share the kids.

I cried on Christmas day after I handed kids over to my wife at her mums.

It's now boxing day and I won't see my kids till Saturday. I should be playing with them and their new toys, or visiting relatives with them and my wife, but they are away doing that and I'm at home on my own wishing for them and her to be back.

Do separations ever result in reconciliation? If there is a chance to get her back, how can I improve those chances? I'm heart broken, tearfull, lonely as hell, and hopeless and scared for the future.

I need my family unit back.

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. It is only natural to feel like you do. It is such early days and Christmas is an emotional time.

I can't answer your question about a reconciliation. I understand your wish for your old life. It is safe.

You need to grieve and adjust to the new life. It is unknown and scary. Just go Day by day. Try to build new routines for yourself. Gather people around you and lean on them. None of this makes much sense and you need to find some peace with where you are at.

I'm 2 years down the line. And day to day I'm ok. But hated the children going yesterday afternoon. Christmas is a time for family. And this sucks. ( not that I expect the children not to see their father at all). I ( like everyone ) just never wanted it like this for us.

@unicornsarereal72 thanks. If you don't mind me asking, how did you split? Was there one side wanting to reconcile?

(I know no 2 relationships are the same, but I just out of interest)

I hate this modern culture at divorce, not that you should be forced, but if you marry someone you should see enough in them that your love can conquer anything

@unicornsarereal72 - what do you do when the kids go? I don't know what to do with myself.

@Jackit2013 we had drifted apart and ex was out drinking more and met someone else more fun. Ow was the cause for the split but not the symptom. He blames me for not engaging. I blame him for treating me poorly. Like you I was committed to us and wanted to work things out. He had had enough.

He had every right to leave of course. But has behaved very badly over the past 2 years towards the children and not paying his way. One child went no contact so I have been fortunate to have their company. ( negative to this has been I have not been able to build my own life away from the children and completely move on).

But At the beginning when all the children were going I started to build a social life and I volunteered at different organisations. and filled the weekends he had the children.

Again I'm fortunate he was only seeing them every other weekend ( and has cancelled half of those). So my life is very much centred around the children or work. It has given me focus. Routine and got me up and out each day. But as I said further up. I'm no further forward personally because I don't have the spare funds or opportunity for a social life.

The whole thing is difficult. But many people build new relationships and come out the other side happy. You won't feel it now I know. But it won't always be this way.