How do you learn your lesson and make it stick?

[Whatisafrond]

Sorry if this is confusing, I'm finding it hard to put into words what I mean.

Basically I want to know how you all mentally learn your lesson and don't expose yourself to disappointment and pain again.

I have some family members who continuously let me down, and I end up hurt and disappointed, even though on some level I know it's going to happen again and they are not going to change. It's happened again just recently. I think it's basically because they don't care about me nearly as much as I care about them. Although, confusingly, they claim otherwise in words but their actions betray the truth.

No contact is not an option, although I can go low-contact to some extent.

I feel like a silly puppy whose been kicked, only to run up to the person who kicked them and be stunned when I get kicked again. For some reason a part of me just expects better every time. I think it's because I find it hard to hold on to a grudge.

How do I make the mental shift towards accepting and viewing the 'relationship' as it truly is - which is not much. Every time this happens I make the resolution to accept it for what it is, but for some reason it won't stick in my heart.

Experience and eventually learning that if you do the same thing - you usually get the same result.

This poem really resonated with me when I first read it and I try very hard to be aware when I'm repeating myself and expecting different results now.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

― Portia Nelson, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

@Khione , thank you that is really very helpful. I will remember this.

One of the ways I managed was to stop contact and then test the waters with relatively low stakes things. Like clockwork even a bit of vulnerability and opening up from my side would lead to the same behaviours but it wasn’t as gutting because I’d set the bar a lot lower. It takes time and practice but it does get easier and the little kicks hurt but serve to remind you of the need to protect yourself.