Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused.

6 replies

SNHAIC · 26/12/2019 11:44

I need some advice, please go easy on me because I'm still quite young and foolish.

I was talking to someone online from Tinder for almost 2 months. Things started off well, we video called and spoke on the phone a couple of times but then as weeks went on by things didn't seem right. I'd ask to call or he would say we should but when it came to it he made up excuses why he couldn't, he would sometimes come online a few times but avoid my messages when he didn't in the beginning and the conversations seemed stale repetitive and mundane often times and not how things usually are when you're getting to know someone. We didn't text that much compared to the beginning when he talked more and showed more interest. He wanted to meet and we talked about meeting but there were no proper plans arranged.

On the other hand whilst he was acting odd, he did get jealous. As an example I'd say I'm going out to meet a friend or a friend was coming over and it'd be who are you seeing, he always assumed it was a guy, what are you both going to do, he assumed they were dates etc. He was romantic and affectionate with me and he did say multiple times he did like me. I would leave his messages on read and he would pop up asking what I'm doing or how I am an hour later, couple hours later or the next day to me. My point is he always continued to talk everyday throughout this.

I tried talking to him a few times about his behaviour, I said please be honest because I've been hurt badly in the past and if he isn't serious I was going to move on. I would be told that everything was okay, insert multiple excuses and he did really like me and was interested in me.

However things were still the same, he wasn't making much efforts other than texting with me and flirting, jealousy and popping up to me first but still was never wanting to call me and we were wanting to meet and discussing it but we never made any proper plans. My gut feeling was saying something wasn't right and I tried to talk to him yet again telling him I was unhappy and bored for him to get a little irate saying he doesn't understand why I'm suspecting something is up and there would be anything wrong. I got told the same, that he likes me and is interested and more excuses. But I just got fed up and felt there was another woman or women and so I blocked him and walked away.

My suspicions were right, he got into a relationship with someone else the day after I walked away. I feel shit because obviously there is something better to this girl that he chose to get into a relationship with her and was meeting and sleeping with her and whatever else whilst only sweet talking with me, being affectionate and flirting on the phone but nothing more.

Maybe I'm being unfair here but my friends said that this was out of order. How can it be genuine that he has gotten into a relationship with someone less than 24 hours after he was messaging me and telling me how much he liked me and was interested? He effectively two timed us because imagine if I hadn't of walked away and blocked him, there's no guarantee that he would have stopped talking to me and certainly from his behaviour had no intentions to stop talking. He had many opportunities to walk away from me, be upfront or block/ghost me and he didn't. I don't believe that his intentions were purely sexual because as I said we were talking for almost 2 months and things only really began getting really sexual between us less than a week before I walked away. Also I made it very clear to him that although we were sext-texting I wasn't going to rush into anything sexual in person and he accepted and still wanted to talk to me.

Apologies for the long message and rambling on but I feel confused and a bit shit.

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 26/12/2019 22:26

I think he’s not looking for anything serious. How many times have you met up with him in the 2 months? I think you should just cut your losses and move on

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2019 22:32

You need to grow a thicker skin and stop over thinking every little thing if you are on dating sites.
Talking for months is a real waste of time. Arrange to meet up within a week then if he isn't what you want move on.
2 months is ridiculous.
Be selfish, if when you meet he doesn't seem interested or isn't what you want move on. This is about finding a good and suitable partner not having your time wasted.

SNHAIC · 27/12/2019 08:17

We didn't meet up at all, he kept saying things along the lines of we need to meet and should meet. I agreed but we both never made proper plans, I said I was ready whenever because we both worked the same shifts so were free at the same time after work but no real plans were made.
I know he isn't worth my time but I just felt a little confused why he was still pursuing me when he was actually going to get official with someone else and seeing her.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 27/12/2019 09:06

All this happened with someone you didn't even meet in real life?

Just move on and, as a PP said, get much thicker skin for OLD.

anotherdisaster · 27/12/2019 09:22

You have built up a fantasy of this man having never met him. He sounds like a complete fruitcake. 2 months of talking and he didn't want to meet. He either already had a girlfriend the whole time, or wasn't that interested in you to begin with.
Block his number and leave him to it as you deserve someone who actually wants to spend time with you. Also his jealousy is weird but that part is just a manipulation to make him look interested.

beck3001 · 27/12/2019 10:52

It sounds like he's just enjoying attention and doesn't want to lose it because it makes him feel better about himself.

Just move on and find someone who's on the same page as you :)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page