Tired of my shit relationship

[user1489885932]

Hello all, hope you've all had a lovely Christmas day.
My Christmas day has been shit, I've had enough.
My relationship is a dam joke, I've always loved him whole heartedly for the last 21 years, been faithful throughout and 3 amazing children who I love & adore so much.
Our relationship has become boring he works hard I gave up work to look after the kids has childcare cost was unaffordable, I plan to go back when our youngest is full time..
I feel guilty has I dont like reliying on anyone for money..
He's a good dad, when I was pregnant with our middle child he said I can't wait to do this that and the other like he did with our oldest. He comes no where with us, he works all week then stays home I get I'm too tired our 3rd was born and hes still the same, I take our children everywhere it's hard single handed, I ask him to come or take the kids out a few hours so I get a small break no he stays home.
I shouldn't complain because I really love my kids and I am so blessed to be their mum, I am glad I am theres.
I clean the house everyday, he leaves mess whichever room he enters the kids too! I am so fed up I am at breaking point, the house needs decorating, we need carpets ect but he has no care when I moan about it he says well it's your house I have no say. , he means by that is i buy things and do whatever has I get sick of waiting for him.
Our 3rd child is 2.5 we've had sex twice.
He sleeps on the sofa our kids sleep with me.
All we do is argue we cant do right by one another we just share our beautiful kids together.
When I am out with the kids alone i see families dads playing with their kids running around the park and it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time.
The trouble is he wont move out our council rented home (joint tenancy) I wont move out has my child is in school none of us has family :(
I really feel like a failure I dont know how the benefits system works can I claim universal credits has a single parent and get help towards my half of the rent ect?

Please no nasty comments, he is a good man & father it's our relationship that has broken down and I need help in getting financially stable so I can move forward.

Sorry for the long post. Xx

If you really want to end things, you can speak to your housing officer in confidence. There are circumstances where they will make the partner who doesn't care for the kids leave...but I think there may have to be violence for that.

This doesn't mean the council won't assist you though. They will. They may help your husband to find another council tenancy...in a flat.

Or you could have a heart to heart with him and ask him to go to counselling with you....and reorganise the kids so they're not in your bed.

I have suggested counselling and the answer I got was so they can see what a bitch you are.
The children are going back in their own room once its decorated cant come soon enough, trouble is he wont get back in bed and too be honest I dont want him too! The intimacy thing is me he asks i refuse i hate the way i look I've put on weight I dont get 5 minutes from the kids I am drained.
Everytime we try and talk we end up arguing.
He's never been violent not once..

If I had somewhere to go I'd pack up & move out but it's tough with 3 kids no money.. sorry for rabbling on..thank you for you're reply. Xx
Merry Christmas

This is no way to live. Speak to your housing officer who will help you work out your (and your husband's) options

No its not I cant take anymore it's not good for anyone of us.
All I want is to be happy him too, we both deserve happiness but I dont think we can be happy together.
So I need to sort benefits out for me & the kiddies until I get back on my feet so I can move forward.
I am going to sound selfish but I will be better off on my own because that way I get a break from our kids and he will have no choice to take them out.
I already feel like a single mum because I do it all on my own, and when I have had a layin every now and again on a weekend I get it thrown back in my face and he says wish I could have a layin but I've been up with the kids since 6..
So I will definitely ring my housing officer and see what help is available, I do hope they can house him has I really dont want to move the kids.

Same situation here. My OH sleeps on the sofa and has been since over a year. I feels so down and depressed bcos of this.

Hhsa
Hi, I am so sorry you feel so down & depressed and in the same situation.
Is horrible isn't it?
I ask myself is the problem me what have I done so wrong.
I.feel so lonely, my friends I've had a chat with them and they play devils advocate which is fine and I get told to get a sitter for the kids (none of my friends help) I say why you offering and I get we would but... always an excuse (my kids are really well behaved) I wont leave my kids with just anyone, and give him the sex like that is gonna fix everything.