New friend taking the p*ss?

[UpfieldHatesWomen]

I have a neighbour same age as me (early 40s). When she told me her dad had just died I felt a bit sorry for her and said she could contact me if she needed anything (this was a few months ago). Anyway, I don't see her much, we've been out socially once, but mainly she seems to have taken my offer of help a bit too literally and I feel like she's treating me like a skivvy. She sent me a message at 5.30 am on social media last week, asking for my number and saying she couldn't sleep because she was stressed about work. Since then she's been texting me almost every day. The other day she wanted me to go round and film a problem she had with her house to show the landlord - she doesn't ask and say please, she says 'What are you doing at xxhr, I need you to xxx'. The other day she wanted me to help her move some stuff up the stairs at her house, I said I would and we arranged a time. About an hour before I was due to go round she messaged to see if I could come there and then. I was cooking so I said I'll be on my way in a few minutes. She then sent another message saying 'Please come, I'm very tired and still need to do other things today.' I went round once I'd finished cooking and she had a face like thunder because I hadn't come at her beck and call, apparently (I was still early). I try to be understanding as I know she's also had some health problems lately (as have I, actually) so I'm asking her lots of questions about how she's doing, but she never asks anything about me. I think the one question she asked me the whole afternoon was 'do you eat a lot?' which felt like a dig, frankly. She wasn't even ready when I got there, she was faffing about for ages and wanting fag breaks, it almost felt like she was deliberately wasting my time as it basically took 1 1/2 hours to take a couple of things up the stairs. I wouldn't mind if she was being chatty and sociable and we were having a laugh, but she was a miserable git. The next day she messages me with another demand 'when can you come round, I need to...' I said I couldn't that time. The next message she tries buttering me up with a compliment, which I thought was pretty transparent. Low and behold, the next message states 'Are you here for the next few days or travelling? I'm leaving tomorrow until 8th January and haven't found anyone to take care of my cat'. I have ignored this message. I'm in a new city so I want to make new friends, but this all feels very one way. I have a tendency to attract people like this, who want to use me for their own purposes, and am trying to put up boundaries. WIBU to ignore this person from now on?

Nope, absolutely not. Block and ignore.

Thanks! I don't want a falling out though because of proximity and it's a close knit neighbourhood. Definitely not doing any more chores though.

Shes not a friend, shes a neighbour who's trying to take advantage of you. Stop responding, be civil but firm and unavailable

block and ignore is the best advice you will get

No, disengage. She is the type of friend you can do without. I would block but if you can't, just keep on saying it's not convenient. Who cares what you think about her. She's a pisstaker.

What she thinks of you, I meant

I get the impression she thinks I'm not very intelligent and docile so can use me like this, she hasn't exactly been very respectful of me. Unfortunately, I think I give this impression because I'm a people pleaser. I'm trying to remedy this, so thanks for the support!

I think I would send her a message saying something like 'I won't be able to come over for a while, I haven't been feeling very well recently and need some down time. Hope all ok, speak soon x' and then start taking days to reply, then weeks...you get the drift. That way it won't be quite so awful if you bump into her in Tesco

The best advice I was ever given was to learn not to give a fuck.

I’m naturally a people pleaser also, and until recent years I wasted far too much time trying to make everyone happy, even people whose relationship with me was virtually non existent. Vague acquaintances, friends of friends of friends, neighbours I barely knew.

There are numerous people out there who will use you, manipulate you and trample all over you. And the only person who loses is you. This neighbour has done nothing but make demands of you, and she hasn’t even been bothered to dress it up with a layer of charm.

Why do you take this? Why are you accepting that someone can treat you like you’re somehow less than them?

Learning not to give a fuck does not mean you have to turn into a c**t overnight, pardon my french. You can be as kind and civil and friendly as before. But when you decide that you are not doing any more for a particular person, you have to recognise that line you have draw in the sand and cast asides any care or concerns about what they might think, or do, or say. Like water off a duck’s back.

So you might bump into them somewhere.l and are worried it would be awkward. Why? They’re the ones behaving poorly, not you. You have to train yourself to not care about people like this, and concentrate only on those who are important in your life.

Good advice, all, many thanks! I often doubt myself, thinking I might be being a bit harsh, but am trying to listen to my gut more and it's telling me I'm right to be pissed off. I'll ignore, but if I get asked straight up why I'm not communicating I might do as gromberry suggests and politely make my excuses. I kind of don't even want to make up an excuse, but to just say 'no', because that should be enough really.