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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Miserable

7 replies

Torbanksy · 25/12/2019 20:01

I dont think I can take anymore of the relationship I'm in. We have been together for nearly 8yrs. The last yr since the birth of our second daughter hasnt been the best. It was very difficult the first few months as she had horrendous reflux and a milk allergy which as you can expect put alot of pressure on both of us. It hasnt been the same since and I feel its actually a hell of alot worse.

I dont like how he parents our older girl who is 4. He shouts and has grabbed her a few times which has made me extremely uncomfortable. Last week this happened whilst she was having the mother of all tantrums and I stood inbetween them and he was screaming and shouting like a mad man at me to get out of his way and mind my own business. During this he grabbed me by the arms and was shaking me in front of our daughter and i could hear the baby screaming in our bedroom as she was frightened by the whole commotion. He grabbed me that hard i was left with a bruise on the inside of my right arm. He slammed the door into the wall and left a big hole in the wall.The next day he apologised to both me and our daughter and said he was just getting really stressed out and he didnt handle the situation very well. He said I dont help matters during those situations. I might also add I was beaten regularly by my dad and he is aware of this and has got mad saying I'm not like your dad I'm not abusing my child. No he isnt beating her but gets so so angry I hate it. He promised me this wouldn't happen again and said he felt horrendous over the whole thing. This afternoon we was getting ready to go for a walk. It was quite tense anyway as he was going mad about the state of the house with toys everywhere.... its xmas day!!!! When we got out the door my 4 yr old said I want a scarf. He said no you was asked and you said no before so you can go without... I was like flip hang on I'll go get you a scarf love.... he flipped and threw a pair of gloves rolled up at me... sounds silly I know it was only a pair of rolled up gloves but it's just the aggression in him.... he then stormed off for an hr then came back never said a word to me and has gone to bed.... I dont know what to do.... I used to love this man so much but he has changed into someone I dont like at all. Sorry for the long rant I have no where else to turn. My mum sent me a message saying she hoped I had a lovely day and i just burst into tears.... I'm miserable

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 25/12/2019 20:24

You are in an abusive relationship.
Can you leave? Do you have anywhere that you could go, then ring Women's Aid from there?

LouMumsnet · 25/12/2019 20:48

@Torbanksy, we hope you don't mind but we're just bobbing on here to let you know that we've moved your thread over to Relationships. We hope you get some useful support and advice.

In the meantime, we thought you might find this page useful. Best of luck and take care.

Flowers
Radyio · 25/12/2019 21:11

OP he is an abuser. I'm so sorry.

You need to leave this man ASAP for yourself and your DC. No child should grow up in this environment (and you shouldn't have to put up with it either).

lexiepuppy · 25/12/2019 22:54

I’m sure you will remember the fear your dad put into you with his abusive ways.
You cannot let this happen to your own children.

Speak to Women’s Aid and they will help you with advice and the Freedom programme.

Buy the book by Lundy Bancroft: Why does he do that?

This will let you know about abusers and their behaviour.

Have you got family and friends to support you with this?

Thinking of you.Flowers
@Torbanksy

Miserable
Torbanksy · 26/12/2019 02:46

Thankyou... I was a bit worried it was in my head. I have looked up a local woman's aid and there is a drop in clinic near me but I'm not sure how it will run over the xmas holidays. I feel like a terrible mum taking the kids away from their dad but at the same time I DO remember what it was like growing up in my house with my own dad and he petrified me. I'm also scared about raising these 2 girls on my own.... can I cope Sad

OP posts:
Todayisontheup · 26/12/2019 03:15

Hi @torbansky, yes you can do it. Just keep thinking of how you felt as a child, and what you would have wanted your mum to do!

You will find strength you didn't know you have! You gave birth to two beautiful girls, and you are going to let them grow and develop in a calm and safe environment.

Your DH chose you. I didn't get this until I recently examined why I kept attracting Narcissists.

Good luck

Torbanksy · 26/12/2019 10:57

I'm just so so hurt. Today he is getting on like all is ok. Singing and getting on with the kids. He doesn't seem to care at all about yesterday.... it was by far the worst Christmas I've ever had. I have never felt so lonely in all my life. By acting like this it feels like it's all in my head. I'm really hurt. He knows I'm upset but is just carrying on like normal.

OP posts:
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