Gay or not?

[thinkingSilver]

I am married and our marriage is absolutely dead. We are on different planets. We have both kind of moved on with our lives. It's at the point where we just share the house almost. But this is not what I want to discuss.

My boss at work is super nice. We get on well and could easily have been friends. But I'm aware of the boundaries, considering he is actually my boss, so I always make sure I don't talk to him like he is my best friend or something.

But the thing is, I think I have a little crush on him. My gay radar is so bad. I can't pick up any signs. Is this obvious that he is actually gay, if he sometimes has a bottle of Hugo Boss perfume on his table? And I have also seen a bottle of Tea Tree Oil cream? I wasn't sure what it was but something like that. He smells so nice always. But doesn't look refined at all.
Is it really obvious? It probably is obvious but I so badly want it not to be. He is really private about his life and always refer to "I" or "with friends" when he speaks about time outside work or holidays, on the rare occasion. The message that he is sending across, is that we is single. But I don think he is actually gay and probably in a relationship, but doesn't want people to know this and therefore sends the message across that he is single.
I like him so much though.

How do you know if a guy is gay??

If you are technically still married, I would deal with one thing at a time.

Also. Bosses are an extremely risky dating strategy. Given. You know. Work and everyday seeing people. And gossip. And everyday.

Are you high?

You do know those eternal words of wisdom: 'Don't shit where you eat'. Do you?

Been on the Sherry op ??

You're married.
This man is your boss.
And might be gay.

This all sounds like an excellent idea.

Oh and PS - I'm bisexual so I've spoken to aaaall the other LGB people for you just now - we agree that aftershave and skincare products aren't a secret signal we use to magically reveal our sexuality at work. Partly because we are at work. And partly because it's nobody's business.

JustASmallTownCurl, that was really helpful. Thank you.
Other comments not so much.

There are 2 things here. One, I really don't know anyone who isn't straight, so there is a big part of curiosity and genuinely being naive. No judgement please. The only person who I've known, was my ex colleague and he was very open about it.

The second thing, I have devoted many years to raising my children and still do every morning and night, and as the person who does almost all of it on my own, I don't get time to myself, no social life or see friends face to face. So, there is a need for chatting and friendship to other humans.

You're married. Deal with that.

Actually OP. we’re trying to tell you it might not be the best idea.

Regardless of your bosses sexual orientation.

Also. The points you’ve said about your gay radar are more pointed towards how someone feels about scents. I actually know of a few men who use “female” dove deodorant because they prefer the smell.

Should you want to pursue your boss a few points to consider -
That legally you may be married.
That people in workplaces may gossip (not only is it your boss but also regarding said marriage. Some people are sensitive to things like this and it can have a VERY big impact on your professional life)
That your boss may be gay
That your boss may NOT be gay but also not open to a subordinate being attracted.
HR may also be interested depending on your workplace policy on working Place relationships.
Your boss may also find it incredibly awkward to continue working with you even if you/ they are interested.

Helpful?

Not sure you really understood the tone of my post but good luck

Honestly there's really no magical signal to determine if someone is gay or not. The only way you'll know for certain is if they tell you. I mean, I didn't even know that my current girlfriend (and a few of my exes) were gay till they dropped hints about their exes being a woman!

Wow that last sentence was a grammatical 05:00 train-wreck.