Why can't men be open and honest?

[DJ1501]

So this is officially my worst Christmas ever! To cut a long story short my husband and I have recently reconciled after a year long separation.
During our separation we had both had short term relationships although his was heavily rumoured to be an affair to which he denied and denied and denied and I chose to believe him and move on with a fresh start for the sake of our children. (Supposed to have a magical Christmas) blah blah blah.
Fast forward to 23rd December and my daughter (8) sends him a Snapchat, we are sitting beside each other on the sofa and he seems reluctant to open his Snapchat in front of me. Anyway he does so and I notice that his own account is listed in his friends list?? I didn't open my mouth and he subsequently went upstairs. At this point I said to myself I wasn't giving him any chance to delete anything so I followed him up and asked to see his phone.
So I opened his account that is listed in his friends list? (Weird) and it said in black and white that he had deleted a chat off it at 5pm also had deleted on the 12th I'd December a chat and on the 2nd of December.
He says he didn't do this he says why would I send Snapchat's to myself? To which my response was "did fairies get into your phone?" He says I can't explain it I didn't do it 🙁 what the hell is going on it's the worst Christmas I've Ever had now do I need to tell my children it's over again 😢😢😢

OP - your post is confusing.
You were separated and both had relationships. What does it mean that his was an affair - was his gf married?
And why is it relevant at all - you were separated and could date whoever.
It seems you reconciled but not decided to start from a new place. Do you bring resentments and all the past anger to it?
It seems so.

I am not sure what is going on with his Snapchat. Or why a deleted chat is a capital crime.
But the two of you - if you in fact decided to reconcile - need to approach it as building a new relationship, starting from scratch, and possibly not falling into old patterns.
Are you attending any relationship counselling?

If they were honest from the get-go the human race would die out lol.

He sounds like a con artist I'm sorry to say. Even if he isn't, the trust is clearly gone so what's the point struggling on and being miserable? You tried, it doesn't work. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to finish things.

Women and men lie constantly. People arent open or honest because they're afraid they'll lose out if they are - twas ever thus.

Not sure exactly what happened but it sounds like its upset you. Try not to let it overtake you today - breathe, let it be, take time for yourself and there is always tomorrow to deal with him. Hes just a man. He doesnt need your full attention on a day like Xmas which is really for the kids, at this stage of their lives. X

I'm sorry if the post is confusing. What I meant was we both had relationships when the marriage was over but a number of people had told me that he had an affair with her for 4/5 years. I just don't understand the whole sending snapchats to yourself and then they are showing on snapchat as deleted when you click into the account. It's giving the time and date they were deleted. What he is saying is that he never did this that he doesn't know what has happened?!
He is lying to my face when we are supposed to be open and transparent. He deleted Snapchat because he said it was "causing me stress" then when I said I would like him to log back in he said it was really hard as he forgot his password then locked himself in the bathroom because he said I was making him stressed and anxious by putting him under pressure for him to figure out his password 💔
Anyway merry Christmas all I am half a bottle of vodka down 🤯

Do you think his "affair" started before you seperated and swa other people. i.e. that the OW was then claimed as a new gf? Do you think H was snapchatting her or a new OW?

You still don't trust him and he should be going above and beyond to make things work.

I don’t understand the implication that his snapchat account was in his friends list, I guess it somehow means he could do clandestine things? But I’m really sorry this is going on for you.
Some men, lots of men, can be honest and transparent, and you deserve one op

Yes I don't understand why his own account is in his friends list? I have Snapchat and I have never seen this! His answer to everything is to just say I don't know how that happened.. I'm seriously going out of my mind

I don't know the ins and outs of Snapchat but you clearly don't trust him any longer

DJ- until you get honesty about the affair then you will feel like this forever. Half a bottle of Vodka won’t help either.

Was the separation due to your suspicions of the affair?
In that case - getting back together without dealing with the past wasn’t the best idea.

However - having been apart and having dated other people - unless both of you can push ‘reset’ button and NOT bring back old issues - You’ll only keep hitting the same issues.

If he's got himself in his friends list it's because he's got two accounts.

One to show you and send snaps to his family.

And one, presumably, for dodgy purposes.

His dodgy account has his innocent account as a friend.

His innocent account has his dodgy account as a friend.

Similar usernames.

He's deleting the dodgy chats he doesn't want you to see. He is doing it, no matter what he says. Throw him out or this will be your life for the next 50 years or until he buggers off with her.

Poor you OP you sound so upset and muddled and I don't blame you. I hate to sound like a boring dick but don't have too much vodka, you'll risk losing your dignity and him playing the good old "see, you're mental" card by getting into a slanging match and feel even more shit tomorrow xxx

Could he have saved someone else’s number under his own name maybe? Then deleted the chat history because he’s hiding the messages from you?