Alcoholics ruin everything (including Christmas)

[Justyouraveragehuman]

Split up with my partner a few months ago (this is a positive thing) and have since had to move back in with my parents temporarily until I have enough money to go at it alone.

My mums an alcoholic and when I didn’t live here I felt at peace knowing I didn’t have to be around her abuse that I had suffered from for years. Now I am back here I honestly cannot cope with it.

It’s not constant but every few weeks she’ll go on these massive ‘benders’ being so so drunk and mentally, emotionally and psychically abusive for weeks to all of us. She’s been caught drinking on park benches the lot! When she’s sober it’s very strange as everyone else in the house just carries on as nothing ever happened for an easy life but I just can’t get over these behaviours. You’d be shocked at some on the nasty things she does. I honestly hate my mother as awful as that is to say and simply can not forgive her! Just the site of her boils my blood.

Last night (Christmas Eve) she had a drink. She wasn’t too drunk but this is usually how the benders start.

Anyone else hating Christmas being with an Alcoholic parent/husband/wife ect?

What a lovely Christmas

@ChippyPickledEggs That makes sense. I guess someone won’t change until thats the only option they have. Unfortunately in my house, other family members just brush everything under the carpet and play happy families through out her sober periods so theres no consequences for her actions. Once I move out I have no other option but to cut her out of my life for my own sanity. I can’t forgive the hurt she has caused.

@Anjelika you are so so right. And there is nothing we can do to stop our loved ones from doing so.

You are absolutely entitled to do that, Just. Don't let other family members guilt you out of laying down your boundaries. You don't have to forgive her. Not even if she gets sober.

When you get sober in AA, the message is clear. We are accountable for damage done. We make amends where appropriate in order to clean our side of the street. What others choose to do with our expressions of regret is completely up to them - they don't owe us a thing. If someone tells you to fuck off then there's your amends: you fuck off.

As for choosing to separate yourself from an active alcoholic - that is a healthy decision. It's what I would do. You've every right to keep yourself safe emotionally.