my family always talk down to me

[Lottiebugz22]

Feeling quite down at the moment and I've come to the realisation just how much my family have spoken down to me over the years.
I am the youngest but I'm nearly 30 and I'm still being spoken to like a child despite having a family of my own.
I feel like everyone just sees me as the one who hasn't achieved much in life and that I'm not as clever as them. I don't own my own house and my jobs have varied in style. They're always telling me I haven't held a job down which isn't true as I've just changed jobs and tried lots of different things and it's made me happy to do that but apparently that makes me unable to hold a job down?
I had a very traumatic birth with lots of complications which led to an emergency c section and was in hospital for weeks afterwards. I tried to breast feed but it didn't work out for me and who cares whether someone breastfeeds or not its a personal choice isn't it. Anyway a comment was made about another family member the other day about how her birth was an hour at best and she is exclusively breastfeeding and just got on with it and how strong she is etc. Good for her I'm pleased she didn't have complications etc. But the comments were very condescending to my experience. I didn't say anything I just listened. But this keeps happening like sly comments directed at me and the way I choose to live my life. If I ever make suggestions to do things or have a different opinion they all gang up on me or dismiss my suggestions.
If I don't want to participate in certain family gatherings because it's too late or not appropriate for my family etc I'm told that I don't do enough in life and that I need anti depressants?! I am very happy with my life and my family and I'm sick of being told otherwise or that I need to do this or need to that. I feel like cutting everyone off.

Start by refusing a few family meet ups and maybe they will get the message that you won't be treated like that any more? You will be happier with less contact so it's win win

I understand how you feel op. Compared to
My sister, people still treat me like I'm still a teenager. Everyone is always talking how my sister has achieved in her career,
How pretty she is and how
Much she earns. They constantly talk about their savings and their money and once
Said I didn't earn enough to open a bond. I actually got really cross and bought her up on it. I love them but I always feel insecure when I've been with them and could have easily typed your post.

Yes twinklelikethechristmastree that's exactly what I'm treated like. The teenager. I'm also the youngest. Feeling very deflated right now.

Have you read up on family dynamics, particularly the scapegoat v golden child?

Same here.

Same here youngest of 4 but they still treat me like a child as if I’m a 16 year old :-/ I have a child of my own! Generation switch and compare game is a killer - hate it so I limit contact

No aussiebean but I will do thanks

It's so difficult to change family dynamics once they're in place. Most of my family would rather not talk to me at all if I put any boundaries in place.

You have my sympathies.

Reduce your contact, surely you don’t want to spend so much time with them? If you withdraw, I bet they’ll appreciate you more! I would pull them up on everything they say, the breastfeeding thing, maybe let go but everything else, I’d be querying/telling them how shit it makes you feel. If that doesn’t stop them, then yes, reduce contact.

Fuck them - distance yourself and get on with your own life. You're a grown up - do the grown up thing and protect yourself and your child from all the negativity.

I know how you feel. I actually had this on Christmas Day with my brother. My brother and father were talking about my brothers job (when don't they, it gets fucking boring) and whilst I don't work in the same area or do anything remotely the same, I could understand what he was saying and pass comment on a similar situation I have been in. I was confronted by, "well yes, but your brother works for a very large company, so it's different to you.". I felt like saying many things, but held my tongue.

What brother and father conveniently forget is that the company I work for is just as big, if not bigger than the one he does ( again, who cares), and if seniority in a company is so impressive to them, I'm further up the greasy pole than super brother.

Neither of them really have a bloody clue what I do, I've tried to explain it over the years, but I've given up now.

Can I join the club, please? I went out for the day with my mother yesterday , who asked me, on leaving, whether I had gloves! The fact that a) I rarely wear them anyway, and it wasn't that cold, b) I'm pregnant so running at a million degrees hotter than usual and c) am 40 and thus quite capable of judging what clothing I need for the weather myself was neither here for there. Why treat me as a competent adult when she can treat me as a toddler.

She also has this habit of, if there are two ways of doing something, a sensible way or a stupid way, she'll assume I did it the stupid way based on no evidence whatsoever, and tell me off for it anyway! In a similar vein, instead of asking if I'd got my clothes out of the washer yesterday she asked me why I hadn't done so. I had, she just hadn't noticed.

It's even worse when the bitch of my sister is around (barely ever). And then they wonder why I see them as little as possible!

A lot of the comments your family members make sound like insecurity on their part to me. Secure people don’t need to prop themselves up by tearing others down. The biggest challenge is seeing this for what it is despite your hurt. These are their issues so don’t make them yours.

My family are like this. Particularly my mother, who shits all over anything good I’ve achieved in life while rubbing my nose in any failures. After decades of believing I was the failure she likes to make me out to be I’ve started to separate emotion from it and see it for what it is. I’ve actually achieved a lot more than she has. I’m also a much better person and mother than she is. It’s not easy to accept after believing her for so long, but I’m on my way.

You need to be too. Remind yourself about your happy life and family. That’s the biggest achievement of all! I would suggest this is the bug up their asses that might explain their behaviour.

Thank you calmama. I think it is yeah.