Completely inappropriate crushes

[SausageSimon]

Anybody else got a massively inappropriate crush on someone?

I've been severely depressed on and off for 3 years and I finally decided to go to counselling, I waited 6 weeks to get a female counsellor as I thought I cared and I ended up just having to go with the male counsellor on a Monday as there was no other choice.

Low and behold he is my type EXACTLY. Which is highly unlikely as I live in what is possibly the whitest area in the country.

We laugh at things together and he's lovely (paid to be lovely of course) and I can't help but think of him and I know I'm pathetic for it too! He's just so lovely

Think of the attraction as an 'extra' and don't let it interfere with your counselling?

Story of my life. With the inappropriate crushes that is.

However my opinion. Get a new counseller. You are there for a reason. Your counseller will not reciprocate your feelings as it he WILL get sacked and struck off and he is a professional and they take an oath. At the end of they day won’t help you none either as you are there to get better.

I don't plan to act on it obviously, he's a great counsellor and it's helping a lot.

It's kind of nice to have something to dream about and fancy someone for once! Nobody usually catches my eye so it's nice to feel something for once

Good to hear he is helping and I suppose that is the main thing. Just make sure it’s just that and doesn’t tuen into any stronger feelings for you. I only say that as it’s easily done. These amazing people are trained to help us feel better and they get us to the core so I can imagine people falling for their therapists.

I've heard of the cliche of people falling for their counsellors but this was instant

If I could choose a man (looks wise anyway) it'd be him, it's typical!

Is this person now ‘your’ counsellor or do you have the option to request a woman? I’m troubled that, having specifically asked to see a woman, you have been allocated to a male therapist. The attraction might fade, or it might get in the way of the therapy for you depending on why you are seeking therapy to begin with. Your observation he’s ‘paid to be lovely’ suggests you are struggling to experience him as genuine/struggling with whether it’s warmth or attraction on his part. Would you feel this way with a female therapist who seemed to ‘get you’? (It goes without saying, it would be very unethical for him to pursue a relationship with you.).

I have got a very inappropriate crush. It's hellish.
My advice- stop it now before you get hurt. You have seen him once and already dreaming about him..

Dramaqueen we don’t take an oath when we qualify, but we do sign up to an ethical code of conduct. And, yes, it is an emotionally intimate relationship!

I’m going to go radical and say perhaps discussing it with them might help? My OH is a counsellor- it’s not permissible to have relationships but it’s certainly ok to talk about crushes and could even be healthy to talk about it. Not sure I’d be brave enough if it were me though. But I feel for you (I had a similar experience years ago, not therapist but it was painful!)

@Craftycorvid apologies. I think that’s what I was trying to say in a roundabout way.

No apology needed! Maybe an oath should come into it?

And yes, if it feels safe, talking about your feelings with your counsellor might be helpful, but I appreciate it can feel quite exposing.

You talk about having a type. Why? Have a wee look at transference - just in case.

He's just my type, nothing more! I just have a type I'm attracted to there's nothing more to it really

I wouldn't act upon it and it doesn't interfere with my counselling other then I go away and think how lovely he is

Having a crush on a counsellor is pretty standard. They listen, empathise and help you feel better..... what's not to like? Enjoy it but remind yourself that this will NEVER be more than a fantasy!!

And yes I specialise in ridiculous crushes, currently enjoying one on somebody half my age and the "wrong" gender. It'll only ever be a fantasy but I'm fine with it. Crushes can be fun if you keep your head.

I'm unable to swap to someone else because they're only open mainly Tuesday to Thursday which I work, I decided to go for a male because I was needing to get started and he was available Mondays

@GlitteryGracie that's true, they're enjoyable to some extent. I think part of the fun is there's no risk because it isn't possible anyway, I tend to fancy those I can't have. Probably something I should discuss in counselling as I'm terrified of having feelings for someone

@Craftycorvid I can't choose a woman because he is the only one available on Mondays and I can't make any other day because of work! They even have late evening sessions but typically not on the days I can make it so I'm stuck with him in a sense.

I say "paid to be lovely" because he is really, he says nice things to me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Partly because I can't take a compliment at all, it makes me squirm.
And yes I definitely find it hard to feel he's genuine with his compliments, he comes across as very genuine but in the back of my head I'm thinking it's part of his training and job to build my confidence up.

I go away and wonder if he hates seeing me, which is ingrained in me with anyone I spend time with. Speaking with him has made me realise what a huge issue I have with relationships and friendships, it got a brief mention yesterday and I felt my entire body tense up and I felt panicky and wound up. He says we will explore it further over our next few sessions which terrifies me but I know it needs to happen or I won't move forward

It really sounds like the therapy is going straight to the difficult vulnerable stuff. If you can say to your therapist that the compliments ‘land’ very uncomfortably with you, that may take you into the heart of what’s ailing. I have a similar process myself with compliments and it has deep roots to feeling ‘unworthy’.

@Craftycorvid I thought I was going because I was deeply unhappy across all areas, and while that is true I feel like I can deal with some of the other things but it's anything to do with relationships that terrifies me.

When he says something nice I feel like I am on the spot on feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable. That feeling of being unworthy sounds much like me too, have you ever been able to improve in that sort of area?

I worry I won't improve. I feel confident about myself and like who I am, but as soon as other people are involved I'm anxious and unsure

It can improve, yes, and good therapy works because talking through thoughts and feelings can gradually help to change them. Therapy can be very uncomfortable at first, like turning over a rock and seeing what’s underneath. How many sessions are you able to have?

It looks like this will impact your journey through counselling. From what I read you're thinking of him outside of session (which is a very clear sign that this the beginning of another issue) Are you doing any work within the sessions or just focusing on how he makes you feeling?

My advice would be to bring your thoughts and feelings to him otherwise it will become a bigger issue and your progression will maybe become affected.

@Craftycorvid I think I've had 5 so far and he says the limit is usually around 20 but if I really needed more he can within reason.
I'm glad to hear it can improve, it really does scare me for the future as I can see how it has been holding me back for years

@bluebella4 yes I'm finding it helps a lot thankfully and I don't hold anything back from him, it rarely distracts me thankfully. If it was affecting my sessions I wouldn't want to go but I can tell it's helping. I would just have preferred not to be attracted to him!

I have several inappropriate crushes and last night dreamt about one of them

@Twinklelikethechristmastree why are they inappropriate? They're always the worst!

Yes they definitely are and the kinda dreams which leave you thinking wtaf .