My STBX split a year and a half ago - have 2 young children one with additional needs. I have been through hell in the last year or so and my life is extremely difficult as my children do not give me any breather and I have no one to step in. My STBX sees kids once a week and doesn’t have suitable accommodation for them which is preferable to them having to go off to his as my child with autism cannot cope this This.
My issue is that he is consumed by his own self pity about his situation and expresses no real concern for me or the children only in relation to himself. He is an adoring father and the children love him but he cannot seem to really see anyone else’s needs but his own.’if I express upset or any criticism of him he reacts immediately in angry defence. If he’s depressed he tells me to “Be gentle” with him. If I am pleasant to him he often gives me lascivious looks and then will later once he’s left try to engage me in some kind of sexting about how good I look etc,
I slept with him once which was a mistake and was disgusted when he said he felt relief afterwards when asked how he felt . I almost slept with him a second time but after he sulked when I refused oral sex as “ he’s done it for me l etc I decided I would not get on that situation again. Foolish I know but I have really struggled with breaking up my vulnerabile little family and though it might help us resolve things , also I find it hard to say no to men - always have.
last time he visited he left and then stared texting me about my wearing my fitness clothes as I’d gone up a class.
Him: “ your clothes are so sexy”
Me: thanks but that’s unintentional
Him : I know but you look so good in them
Him: “do I look Sexy I’m my t shirt?
Him ( after w couple of hours of me not replying)
obviously not Then!”
Me: I am Washing the floors and running back and forth to the children and not thinking about you/ I looking sexy.”.
Him: don’t you want to fuck me?
Me: I don’t know what to say . No I don’t . There is too much for me to resolve before I would feel at ease. You don’t even seem to want to resolve things- I don’t know why you’re even thinking about this”.
Him: “ok”
The thing is I am so uncomfortable with this and find it really awkward. He just doesn’t seem to get that after the most gruelling time I’ve had as a mother separating with a 6 month old and a 4 year old with asd I would need him to come to me with remorse and effort and talk to me Like a human being . This focus on “
Fucking” makes me feel very
Odd-like laughing at his preposterousness, offended and amazed at his lack of understanding that this is the last thing on my
Mind after 3 weeks of Nursing kids through various viruses including bring kicked at 3 am by screaming toddler during fits of fever. He is at
Mine with my family over Xmas
Lunch. He is very depressed and sorry for his lot. He is not getting on with finalising divorce as he can’t afford legal fees I think. I am part disgusted, partly nervous about rejecting him, partly angry.. How to handle this please wise mumsnettets. Also how is it a
man can be so crudely fixated when there are complex issues involving young children etc -‘it’s baffling to
Me?