Can’t pretend over Christmas

[Dustypinkrose]

Horrible on and off situation with DC father this year. I’ve tried to end things so many times but he goes through a miraculous ‘change’ each time to try and get me to try again with him. I don’t want to.

I know that if I tell him things are over for good, he will be really toxic about it. He will probably withhold contact with DC (he also cares for them while I am working so this would be really awful) which would have a bad emotional impact on them. He would also withhold money and not give any maintenance which I’m worried about. Things are very tight as it is, with his financial help.

But I’m so exhausted of him. He isn’t a nice person at all. He brings negativity to everything. He has cheated on me earlier this year - we broke up for several months - and he spent months earning my trust back, doing whatever he could, but it hasn’t worked. I don’t trust him at all.

I don’t want to cause arguments at Christmas but the thought of us both having time off work and having him in my personal space (We don’t live together) is making me feel quite shit. Should I wait until after Christmas to end things? really not sure how to handle this.

Hi OP. I'm sorry you're in that position. It sounds stressful and draining.

I'm not sure I see the value in waiting til after Christmas. You said you feel he brings negativity to everything, so why let that extend to your Christmas Day?

You haven't said any positive things about him at all; just the negative things which you feel would get worse if you ended your relationship with him.

These things may deteriorate, but please consider the impact this behaviour will have on your children. If he's cheated and you expect he will withhold financial support on ending the relationship, it sounds like he's not the sort of person you would want being involved with your children's upbringing.

I get that these things are rarely that straightforward, and you're bound to be concerned about the financial implications along with childcare arrangements, but make a positive change for you and your children and just end this situation ASAP. It sounds like no good is coming of it as things stand anyway.

Best of luck, OP.

If he's got somewhere to go straight away like his family's house then I'd tell him to leave now. If not, and he'd have to stay at home until he sorts somewhere else out then I'd not say anything until after Christmas Day so he didn't ruin it for the kids. Start putting together a plan for childcare whilst you're at work and work out your finances for when he's gone. Don't rely on him for anything so if he wants to be a prick he can be but it won't disrupt you or the kids