Constantly feel like a disappointment to my parents/compared to brother

[Keytone5000]

I don’t want this to sound like I’m having a pity party, it’s mainly just to rant and see if anybody has similar experiences.

I’m 23 and have a just turned one DD, me and her dad were together for 7 years before we had her and when she was 3 months old we split (his decision and I was heartbroken) so since then I’ve been a single mum.

Before having DD I had a pretty decent job for my age, working in transport and made decent money, I lived with Ex in a nice rented house for 3 years and he worked in a decent job too. I did have 4/5 good friends and if im honest I probably went out drinking way too much back then but I had fun.

However since becoming a single mum obviously my priorities have changed and I no longer go out all the time which I’m not even bothered about. I love being with DD and taking her out shopping or to a coffee shop or to friends etc. I made the decision to leave my job (extremely unsociable hours, 4:30am starts and 12 hour shifts) my parents were really angry at this as they said I won’t ever get a good job like this again.
I got a part time job cleaning so I could stay independent and move into a nice little flat with DD. They say that cleaning is below me and it’s a job for people who are at college alongside a course.

Obviously a lot of my friends still go out clubbing and drinking etc as they are young and haven’t got kids, I don’t really miss this and I still see them for a coffee or meet at a restaurant etc maybe go for an alcoholic drink every so often. My days are generally going out with DD to visit family or just chilling out with her at home and playing.

I’m single and in no rush to get into a relationship again as I’m enjoying the freedom of having my own space and just finding myself (id been in the same relationship since age 15!) so never really got the chance to be by myself.

So now I constantly have my DP in my ear asking me why I’m not going out with friends as much and why aren’t I bothered about looking for a partner etc. I say I’m 23 and I have years and years to find someone and once DD starts pre school I want to enrol back in college to train as a hairdresser as I’ve recently discovered I’m interested in it.

They aren’t happy with this and openly say my brother has the perfect life for someone my age (he’s 21) he has a on and off girlfriend, goes clubbing ALOT, goes to a lot of festivals and on holiday with his friends, he’s a real party boy and that suits him. But they say I’m wasting my young years and I should get out there more and stop spending so much time at home and start meeting people (meaning dating) go on some girly holidays, they will look after Dd. Problem is I’m actually really happy with my life and sometimes after one of their rants i start to question and second guess myself. They make me feel like I some sort of weirdo hermit who hasn’t got many friends and needs a boyfriend and a life.

I have always been the type of kid who wanted to make her parents proud and I feel like they are so dreadfully disappointed in me right now. After I’ve visited them and they’ve had one of their rants I come away feeling like a lonely old spinster who has no hope in life until I party and meet a man.

I want to bring it up with them soon as it’s started to really get bad and their comments more frequent but I don’t know how to word it, I’m a bit of a chicken when it comes to stuff like this so I don’t even know whether to send a text explaining my issue.

Does anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences?
Thank you for reading

I dont really have any useful advice, I'm still trying to figure out how to speak to my own DM.

She told me once she succeeded with both my DB's but with me she failed!!
When I had to give up my joint honours degree because I was getting out of an abusive relationship my DF told me I was a failure, that he knew I was going to fail, that everyone was just waiting for me to fail (I was the only one in the family to go to uni, at the time both DB's had bog standard minimum wage jobs).

So unfortunately I know what it's like for DP's to make you feel like a disappointment.

Btw, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are a fantastic mum

Life goes round in circles, you had DD young and when she’s grown up you’ll have all the time to go on holidays and meet people.

Your brother will no doubt be starting his family then and will become the hermit!!

I’d just say I’m happy. Leave me too it.

My first thought was huh they (parents) sound a bit weird, but actually I think they are expressing their concerns, albeit very poorly.

They dont want you to be a cleaner. Well theres nothing wrong with being a cleaner, but they want more for you. They see it as a step back, both in status and income and they probably think you moving from a house into a flat is a step back too.

They notice and comment that you have changed your social habits. That could be them expressing concern and wondering if perhaps youre as ok as you say you are. Withdrawing from a social life is a sign that people arent ok.

Wanting you to go out and meet someone - well they probably just want you to be happy which in their eyes is as part of a couple. I wonder if again they see it as a step back. Do they think negatively about young single mothers? Are they worried what other people might think of you?

I think the next time they bring something up ask what do you mean by that? Or why do you say that? Ive told you before that right now my priority is xyz. If that changes then of course I will take you up on the offer of babysitting/ its nice that youre concerned but its just not right for me right now. Please stop bringing it up, I dont want to discuss it anymore.

Thanks for the replies, did make me feel better

I just feel like I’m so young still I have ages to do all these amazing things they go on about, when DD is 18 I’ll only be 40!

Fwiw I think you sound really sensible.

OP you and your life sound lovely. You have loads of time to meet someone, that's if you even want to, and also to switch career. You sound strong and independent and like a great mother.

My parents were very critical of me and feeling not good enough for them is something I'm still battling at 30 (also a spinster btw!)

You do you

I think you sound a great mum and sorted, lass. I would be proud of you as my daughter. My parents (now both deceased) were of the view that I nearly did anything right with my life as I didn't do what they wanted me to do. I worked from the age of 16 and went to uni when I was 30 and a single mum. You have years to faff about with relationships and you will know when you feel it's right. Enjoy time with your wee one as they grow up so fast!

*never