Hand hold dh leaving

[unicornsrule]

Dh is moving out in jan , we are separating. we have been married 16 years have 2 dds aged 11 and 14 years

I was you 4 years ago. It gets better I can promise.

It's a shit time of year for however.

What will you do over Christmas?

Just wanted to say . There are several of us in here in a similar position. Do you want to tell us some more about it? What has happened?

My DH walked out 7 weeks ago with very little explanation and even less contact since. The first few weeks were really tough and I was a bit of a mess but I promise it does get better. Be kind to yourself, do things that make you smile and take care of the kids. Before he goes try and sort out contact arrangements with the children and some of the money issues if you can. Once he's gone it's that little bit harder in my experience. After he's moved out try and limit contact if you can as it helps not to be constantly reminded. Maybe try and plan something nice with a friend or the children for the end of January so you have something to look forward to. It will be really hard but you will get through it. Sending hugs 💐

If they don't already know, make him be the one to explain it you your DC's

He told the dcs
More worried about money as i only work part time 16 hours a week
Dh currently pays all bills and morgage

He's not happy anymore

Such a shit time of year for it to happen. Christmas in our house is always disastrous as my husband and children don't really get on. It just me and them all year and he does his own thing (he refuses to move out as he loves the house) but at christmas we are all together- we lasted 3 hours today he was gone by 11am saying he won't be back, he has never left before as he says I need to leave if I have a problem, so I am busy saving to move out in the spring. Out of all the times I have wanted him to leave before and he hasn't why actually do it 2 days before xmas. He detests christmas with a passion so will be far easier without him here!!

Op money is my problem too. I will need to work full time really to support us as I know he will have nothing more to do with us. I know he will have to pay something but he will never give me a penny more than he has too. His plan is to move abroad.

In all likelihood - ‘not happy anymore’ means he met someone else. And if he is denying it now - then he’ll be hiding it for a while and then, after some time - it’ll come out.

What have you agreed money-wise for now? As you are married, and you work part time - he can’t stop paying what he currently pays.
You need to quickly strategise and see a solicitor.
‘Not happy’ cant yet be grounds for divorce in the UK - until that legislation passes - which it may happen at some nearish future with the new government.
However - for now ha can only divorce you due to unreasonable behaviour, adultery or after 2 years separation.
Assuming that there is no unreasonable behaviour, and he can’t use his own adultery as a reason - you an have up to two years where he’ll have to keep paying the bills and mortgage, while waiting for 2 years separation.
This may give you down time to get your financial side sorted a bit and ramp up your hours.

Don’t take anything he says at face value. They all start up with declarations of - I will wow care of the children, don’t worry, etc. It then quickly changes as parting with money isn’t easy.
Protect yourself and get proper advice and plan your next steps.

Check your benefits entitlement and apply as soon as you can if there's anything to claim.

Had a quick look at benefits looks like i could get a few

OP.

The information being provided on here is unqualified and probably wrong. Mine included. Legally he needs to pay CMS and you may jointly have responsibilities to the mortgage. He can ask the CMS to take the mortgage payments into account in assessing his maintenance contributions. They might agree, they might not. You need to find out definitively.

Basically the CMS and mortgage lender can force his hand. But even then only to a point. You can’t except through legal action. That will be expensive and the precursor to long expensive legal action to reach a final settlement. Most people can’t afford this. The outcome is also far from certain.

The best thing to do is to discuss the current finances with him. Unless you are very well off the family income will be stretched to afford a mortgage and a rental. That’s a reality for you both. But more so for you because he had greater control of the money. Work out a solution that allows him to be able to support you and move on out and on.

Find out if you can get benefits which might alleviate things. It’s a toss up as to whether you would be better increasing your working time. It could have implications for a future settlement. Take independent and qualified advice.

Personally I think the quicker you work towards financial independence the better. But that might not be right for your actual circumstances.

Sweetheart that's so awful I cant imagine your pain. Like so many say on here though, it will get better, get easier, get less painful with time.

Sending hugs and support xxx

I'm sorry lass.

A handhold from me.