What do you say to the dc who wishes you had a lot more money

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I am a single parent to three teens.

The youngest thinks all her friends’ families have more money and get more stuff.

She has already had her Xmas present which her grandfather and I paid for. It wasn’t cheap at all, but her Xmas budget has been spent.

I asked her what other little things she might like so she has something under the tree, she put expensive things on that list and then told me I don’t have enough money when I pointed out that a lot of them were out of bounds. She’s 13.

By contrast one of her older siblings has been telling me to spend less. Just not sure how to deal with how rude and entitled my youngest seems to be, or maybe it’s a phase?

I tell DD to learn from my mistakes, and ensure she has a lucrative career with qualifications that travel well. She currently wants to be an engineer.

I don't buy her the things I can't afford to buy her.

Hopefully it’s a phase. Many of us were brats at that age, and look back at our behaviour and cringe.

Just stick to your values. Keeping up with the Jones’ has never been important to me, and I will never budge on that. When your daughter earns her own money, she can buy herself whatever she wants.

My dh grew up in the third world in extreme poverty and says that when he was in primary school he went to a classmates house and realised that if he wanted a house etc.he needed an education. So, he's always talked to our dc about money and how getting a reasonable job is important and gives you choices.

I’d just say believe me love I wish I had more money too but I’m doing my best now don’t mention it again you are being very selfish. And every she brings it up I’d say we’ve talked about this and refuse to get into it.
I know it feels hurtful but she needs to be told and don’t feel bad.
My 13 yo dd wants things her way like Xmas dinner at our house instead of my mum’s so I say it’s not all about you it’s so we can all be together (we have elderly family who can’t access our house).

Tell her that you were offering to buy her something extra and that you acknowledge she doesn’t want a small cheap gift in addition to her main present. Confirm you won’t offer again unless she asks.

The response to her challenge that you don’t have enough money is to say yes that is correct. Then leave her to it. If she wants a better explanation then she can ask for it.

Also, stop buying gratuitous presents for under the tree. This is just commercialism and materialism gone mad. She got a present and she doesn’t believe in Santa. You are condoning the idea that enough is never enough. Which is what I think your elder daughter is telling you.

If she is at a lose end on Christmas morning because there aren’t any presents to unwrap, tell her to go volunteering.

Sometimes it's just their personality. I have one dd who is 20 and has always thought money grew on trees and constantly compared what she had to her friends. She is quite materialistic. The youngest dd 14 in contrast is always looking to save money and if you ask her what she wants she says I don't need anything. I wouldn't look to yourself to fix it. Just be firm and fair and she will become the person she was always destined to be.

The only thing I'd say is to try not to put any financial worries on their head. I grew up very poor and my mum made me feel very guilty every time I asked for something. And I mean everything from asking for 20p.

I'd just say you're better off than most of the population of the world.

Just say yes, other people do have more money and tat.

I think it's a phase and she will grow out of it. We have a relatively high income but DD1 is always going on about her friends whose parent are 'rich' and how they have X, Y or Z. I am quite blunt with her that she is sitting in a big house with lots of things and she needs to remember how fortunate she is because there are families in this country who can't afford to eat never mind the life of the poor in some other countries.

I think however much they have DC want more and don't really understand the value of money and what it is really useful for (all the boring stuff like a secure home and a full belly and protection against things like the boiler breaking down or sickness and old age) not just for buying fancy gadgets.

I’d just agree with her and say that you’d love to give her everything she wants, but unfortunately that’s not reality for you and most people and
Isn’t she lucky that she got her main thing though?
I always try to help my dcs to understand how fortunate they are, and how we should help those less fortunate even by just buying some food for the food bank at the supermarket.
She will get it but it can take some work.

I really think your 13 is going through a phase, i dont think they are inherently mean or entitled, she just doesnt get it. I would be gentle and say every family has their own circumstances. The older one is mentally more mature thats why saying dont overspend the young one is young still.