I love my boyfriend but we rarely have sex anymore

[sciencegirl91]

I’m 28 and we’ve been together a year, I just feel too young for this to be happening. When we got together obviously the sex was very frequent, then settled into 1-2 times a week but in the last couple of months it’s been more like once every 3 weeks.

My boyfriend never seems interested and is always making excuses, saying he’s tired all the time or that he doesn’t like morning sex (even though we used to really enjoy it!). When I’ve tried to have more serious discussion he’s said he’s depressed again (he has been before and still takes antidepressants), but hasn’t gone to the gp (despite me asking him to). I try to listen and empathise (I’ve suffered too and recently had a bout) but he isn’t very forthcoming. I find it really tough because not wanting sex seems to be the only way his depression manifests, he still enjoys going out and getting drunk with his friends (and isn’t too tired to do that!), is productive at work etc.

Over the last few days I’ve been imagining ending the relationship over this and it’s breaking my heart. He’s a lovely, thoughtful, amazing man but I just can’t stand the feeling of frustration and not being desired, and I can’t imagine a future with him because of that. Is there another way to get through to him? Anything I can say or do to help him?

At only a year in, this doesn’t sound good- at this point you’re still in the honeymoon stage.

My marriage ended up sexless- he wasn’t in the mood/he had depression/stressed at work/too tired... we were only early thirties.

It ruined my confidence and it ruined our marriage due to the lack of intimacy. I wanted a relationship not a roommate. I felt like a sex pest. I resented him for my forced celibacy. Every few months we’d talk about it, he promised he’d change, but he never did.

Chances are that this situation won’t improve for you. I advise you move on before you have your self esteem ruined, find someone with a more compatible sex drive. I did, and I’ve been in my current relationship for 2 years, the sex is still incredible and neither of us can get enough.

I would leave it. I had a relationship like this, it doesnt get better unfortunately. If you want time to improve it then set a limit of couple of months, not a couple of years. The guy I was with is still single as far as I know, he liked sex at first as well, then it faded to nothing. I always suspected he was into porn or something, but never any evidence of it.

Also stuck in a sexless marriage, and have been for the last 10yrs. It is the most soul destroying existence and I would be long gone were it not for the DC. I love sex and the anger I feel towards him for depriving me of that has destroyed our marriage. He won’t change OP.

It really won't get any better. You can have the conversation and if he knows you may leave he will promise things will get better, and they will for a while, but low-sex drive is low-sex drive and the sex will peter out again, you will be one year older and a lot sadder. End it.