I'm seeing a lovely man and it's scaring me to death

[JenaWren]

After a long time of steering clear of relationships I've met someone who's becoming really special.

It's early days yet but everything is going really well. We communicate well, have shared interests and values and fantastic chemistry.

I'm loving getting to know him. But at the same time I'm terrified. I've not had great experiences of relationships which is why I've preferred staying single. I really don't want to let that get in the way of getting to know a fantastic man.

Do any of you wise people have any advice that might help me as I try and open up my heart a bit?

Keep it real slow. Concentrate on how YOU feel and don't worry so much about how HE feels. If you can be your real self with this guy and he makes you feel good about yourself then continue on. There are no gaurantees about anything but give this a chance.

Enjoy it, don't open up your heart entirely - keep some of your heart reserved for yourself. Never allow yourself to feel responsible for him.

If it stops making you happy and makes you stressed and sad, move on. You (and your children) are your number one priority.

In 2005 I had the same experience. I was 36, had had a number of really awful relationships and held out no hope. Then I met a man and it just felt right. Smart, funny, kind, similar values and attitudes. I remember telling my best friend that I was terrified because it just all seemed to good.

She told me, in no uncertain terms, to take the risk. To put myself out there and give this bloke a chance.

So I took a deep (metaphorical) breath, and did exactly that.

We just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, and 14 years together. We have an 11 year old son. Our life is lovely, we just work as partners and friends. We have been through some terrible things (miscarriages, cancer, deaths in the family) but we have stuck by one another.

Take the risk. It may not work out, but then again it just might. And there's only one way to find out.

Thank you all for some great advice.

pip you've hit the nail on the head - I can be my real self with him which is both wonderful and scary.

pics it (and he) has been nothing but great so far - it's my own fears that are the problem.

wonder thank you so much for sharing. That's exactly where I am. I love your story and you're dead right that. I need to take the risk.

I'm also advocating taking the risk. How will he know he is really special to you unless you let him know? You dont have to confess undying love. Just tell him how you're feeling in the here and now. Good luck, he sounds awesome.

I'm going through exactly the same! I hear you.

Very early days too here but we are such a good match and I feel 100% comfortable with him, which is big for me as I struggle alot with physical and emotional intimacy. I'm planning on a few sessions with my counsellor in new year to talk through my insecurity shit. I really don't want to fuck this up. Good luck and hand holds op.

I had this earlier this year after a decade single and hurt.

I wondered if it was all too good to be true.

We’re now married with a baby on the way and I NEVER would have believed that would happen for me at this part of my life. Take it easy and do what feels good.

This was me , exactly 21 years ago. Petrified, I couldn’t believe in a relationship that didn’t have the drama, the hurt! It felt wrong. Luckily I managed to work through it, been married 18 peaceful-ish years.
I think counselling would have been helpful for me, don’t risk allowing yourself to sabotage this..and have a Happy New Year!

I'm loving all your positive stories - it's really
helping to keep things in perspective. I'm delighted that all you lovely people think it's worth taking the risk. I do too

I hope you don't mind but I'm just popping back on to update.

So I took the risk and 3 months on it's BLOODY LOVELY.

He's every inch the person I thought he was and I'm loving being together. He makes me happy and last night he told me how happy I make him.

Thank you oh wise ones of mumsnet. I'm so glad I listened to you all.

Excellent news