Life after going back to a marriage split

[Ginmum87]

Hi all, new to this world but just wondering if anyone can give guidance or support.

Background story - been married nearly 12 years, last year I left the relationship because I was fed up of just being treat like I didn’t exist. Got married quite young and got two kids ( one is autistic) , followed his career and his dominating hobby and popped my life on hold to care for our two boys. One day after saying I’m sick of being left at the bottom of a long list I ended the relationship.

There wasn’t another man or any bad reasoning behind it, just I felt if I left then maybe it would wake him up to what he’s lost or what I’ve dedicated for the past god knows how many years.

Well after 26 days I was replaced by some fruitloop of tinder who he adorned with meals and gifts. I felt like like crap and just drowned my sorrows spending time with my sister. I couldn’t date as I just felt it wasn’t what I was trying to achieve.

Fast forward to new year and we tried again but the woman he left me for had other ideas and began a bad mouthing tirade , telling people I’m pyscho or I have a restraining order.

She has started dating my friends husband and told her the same things, I’m sick of it. I’ve left my job because her dad works there to help save issues.

My husband never had my back and always makes out I have hang ups about the past. It’s so hard to have been replaced after 26 days and learn of all the beautiful meals or gifts she was given. In 7 dates over £500 was spent and the past 12 months have been rubbish. I’ve had counselling to make my head feel better.

Tonight I’ve asked him to why I’m always blamed if I tell him something has been said and why he never defends me, I think he’s still in love with her personally because he won’t say anything bad about her. She has even held onto the text messages between them.

Anyone tell me I’m entitled to be upset if a woman I didn’t know is telling random strangers she is meeting of tinder that I have restraining orders 😓

I feel so alone and confused

This tinder woman sounds unhinged and Moral less going from your husband to friend's husband.

You sound low in self esteem and confidence after what you have been through.

Do you really want to be with DH?

Here are 3 pieces of relationship advice that help me and hopefully it will help you too:

1. You can't force someone to love you.
2. The only behaviour you can control is your own.
3. The only person that can make you truly happy is yourself.

Check out these relationship coaches on YouTube:
Matthew Gusset
Susan Winters
Derrick Jaxn
Mark Groves

Take him off the pedestal and put yourself up there instead.
Love yourself more.

Why are you with your H? Your marriage is over, time to stop putting yourself through the misery of trying to compete for affection you won’t get.

You are definitely correct about the low self esteem and I was told this by my counsellor a couple of months ago. Sorry not used to the abbreviations on here just yet, but husband seems to think I’m the issue and can’t let go of the past , yet it’s her who haunts me.

When we got back together it was a bit of a odd weekend - he was in Leeds with her and our son was asking to speak with his dad. I had no idea he was on a dirty weekend with her as we just including him returned from a 2 week holiday from America. We had booked this holiday 2 years prior and I couldn’t break the children’s hearts.

Our eldest son was desperate to speak his dad and he ignored him which in turn made me angry. He just wanted to quickly chat and then as I was told angered her and she quickly become nasty to husband about me. He apparently left he in the middle of Leeds in a very nice bar to come back to me.

He doesn’t understand that jilting a woman in Leeds that you told I loves you too will end up plain sailing 🤔

Very hard question and very hard reply..

Sometimes you think that you are not good enough and being with someone for so long makes you question if there’s anyone out there for you.

Specially when you constantly made out to be the bad one for asking why are you putting a end to all this crap from her.

You keep asking questions that you can’t answer and refuse to answer questions that you can.

This isn’t about him or this other woman. It’s about your refusal to accept him for who he is.

I’ve never refused to accept who he is..

What I don’t accept is being tormented for his actions on what he did to both of us. She’s angry because he left her in Leeds after he confessed his love to her.

I’m sick of nobody defending how I feel or why I deserve this.

I think you didn’t read my thread as I’m looking for support or understanding. This year I’ve had a nervous breakdown, left my job to try and cope with it all.

Stop focusing on the other woman. Look instead on your H and yoiur relationship with him. Why did you go back? He really doesn't sound like much of a catch. And it also doesn't sound as though any of the issues that led to you leaving have changed.

Your relationship with your H sounds pretty rubbish tbh. Shouldn't 2020 be a year when you do focus on you, start again, and leave all that shit behind?

(a dirty weekend in Leeds? Blimey. How enticing...)

Seriously OP, your anxiety will disappear when you make the move away from your H.

Do you want to be with your husband?

You left him. He was entitled to try to move on and you need to accept that. If you're together now you need to cut her out of both of your lives completely and focus on fixing your relationship or accepting that it can't be fixed and separating.

OP he didnt leave you for her.

One day after saying I’m sick of being left at the bottom of a long list I ended the relationship.

You ended the relationship. You hoped you would get back together. But ending a relationship doesnt entitle you to a cooling off period. He started seeing someone ele.

Its on calling her a fruit loop. But ahe started a separated man. He went on holiday with his wife and kids as the wide said it would break the kids hearts they are having a night out and the wife is kicking off because he wonr answer his phone. You have had enough and say what you think. He doesnt just dump you, he leaves you in leeds and goes back to his wife.

Can you see why she is angry? Can you also see that he has probably fed her a load of lines about how crazy you are?

If you keep treating the situation like he cheated and he has to make up for that he is probably fed up...because he didnt cheat.

He sounds like a dick and 26 days is quick and nor a great idea. But you ended your relationship and are hurt because he moved on.

Honestly, though. I think he iant that fussed about either of you