I know it’s for the right reasons, bf had omitted facts a couple of times ref ex girlfriend’s (two exes) presence at trips away plus I found condoms in his glove box before one trip away, said nowt and the box had definitely been used/tampered with after said event.
I stayed with him longer than I should have as was having a very hard time in my life and have nobody else, no family or close friendships
I ended it this week but it’s hurting me so much for so many reasons. He of course denies any wrongdoing with exes doesn’t think he needs to come running to tell me every time an ex is included in his trips away and the condoms were old.
We don’t use them due to both being sterilised and having tests early in our relationship.
So it’s over and I ended it because stuff didn’t add up.
But I’m devastated. I’ve wrecked our respective Christmas plans, his kids and mine altogether,with my kids joining in the eve, means I’m now going to have the day completely alone.
we’ve both bought presents for each other and the kids but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.
He said he’s heartbroken and can’t believe I’d end a relationship over old condoms and having exes as friends, very much a simplification ...
My children were just getting used to him in our lives and one child in particular is sad, they’d really bonded and I know ex bfs presents for my dc were chosen with a lot of thought and care so I feel guilty re this.
I have been facing some quite horrible things on my own and he’s been unable to give the support I needed due to his own pressures at home and I’ve felt so lonely dealing with it all alone. To the point I’ve referred myself to family support services as not coping and I don’t think that any relationship is mutually supportive where one person needs intensive support is working while the other partner still gets to have an amazing life filled with parties and fun with exes etc.
He had recently had a lot of problems and I went out of my way to support and advise, giving oodles of time and expertise. I have had a hell of a few weeks culminating in some very difficult events where he didn’t even phone to speak about it and forgot about one particular event altogether.
A few other things happened that I didn’t even bother telling him about as I knew he’d not give the response I need.
I’m aware I sound a bit mad...
I had to end it now I didn’t want a Christmas charade where I was still feeling suspicious and resentful.
I have no idea if I was right about any of it or if I’m barking up the wrong tree as he says.
He says I’m gaslighting ref the women and condoms but I feel it’s the opposite.
I feel I put all my eggs in a very superficial basket.
I loved him very much and we had so many great things together and future plans, everyone said we looked so happy etc.
My life has been going abysmally wrong lately in so many ways, I can’t help but also feel I’ve thrown the baby out with the bath water.
Other women put up with much worse and they won’t be spending Christmas Day on their own or facing their fifties single and lonely.
Don’t know why I’m even posting, just need to offload I guess.