Please nothing judgemental in comments as I feel awful today already.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my first child, and the father doesn't want involvement. My ex boyfriend (not the father) who I have known for 12 years since I was 18, has said I can talk to him about things if I want to.
He is a serial cheat and has done some really nasty things but for some reason I always forgive him, and I was really excited to see him this weekend when he asked me to go round, as we've not met up for over a year.
We were acting quite coupley with eachother and he told me he still loves me. I take it with a pinch of salt when he says that, but it is nice to hear.
I found out when I was still at his last night that he's 'seeing' his housemate (she was away for the weekend). It's definitely more serious than he makes out, which I discovered by doing some snooping because I can't trust what he says.
He initially apologised and was trying to grovel, but when he realised I'd looked at some of his stuff he went mad, shouting at me calling me the worst names and saying nasty things like I have no support, and grabbing me pulling my arms by the top of the staircase which scared me a lot. He's said some awful things previously but never laid a finger on me before today. I stood up for myself best I could and of course left straight away.
I just feel so upset by what has happened, but more at myself for always giving him chance after chance. I have said to myself that's it, I'll never speak to him again, but I know I've said it so many tines before.
This time is more important as I have my pregnancy and then a baby to consider, and I want to be protective and a good Mum.
I'm so scared that I will break my resolve and speak to him again though. I've had issues with abusive relationships before with other men, and I understand the cycle, but I can't seem to break it. I don't know if this particular ex is abusive or if I'm being dramatic.
Please can anyone offer any words of support, Thankyou