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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So down about my ex, he hurt me this morning

9 replies

HL123 · 22/12/2019 22:18

Please nothing judgemental in comments as I feel awful today already.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my first child, and the father doesn't want involvement. My ex boyfriend (not the father) who I have known for 12 years since I was 18, has said I can talk to him about things if I want to.
He is a serial cheat and has done some really nasty things but for some reason I always forgive him, and I was really excited to see him this weekend when he asked me to go round, as we've not met up for over a year.
We were acting quite coupley with eachother and he told me he still loves me. I take it with a pinch of salt when he says that, but it is nice to hear.
I found out when I was still at his last night that he's 'seeing' his housemate (she was away for the weekend). It's definitely more serious than he makes out, which I discovered by doing some snooping because I can't trust what he says.
He initially apologised and was trying to grovel, but when he realised I'd looked at some of his stuff he went mad, shouting at me calling me the worst names and saying nasty things like I have no support, and grabbing me pulling my arms by the top of the staircase which scared me a lot. He's said some awful things previously but never laid a finger on me before today. I stood up for myself best I could and of course left straight away.
I just feel so upset by what has happened, but more at myself for always giving him chance after chance. I have said to myself that's it, I'll never speak to him again, but I know I've said it so many tines before.
This time is more important as I have my pregnancy and then a baby to consider, and I want to be protective and a good Mum.
I'm so scared that I will break my resolve and speak to him again though. I've had issues with abusive relationships before with other men, and I understand the cycle, but I can't seem to break it. I don't know if this particular ex is abusive or if I'm being dramatic.
Please can anyone offer any words of support, Thankyou

OP posts:
TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 22/12/2019 22:21

I think now is the time to step away from ALL men and consider yourself and your baby only

category12 · 22/12/2019 22:22

Have you tried doing the Freedom programme?

Remove this guy from your contacts and block him. He's very bad news.

Aknifewith16blades · 22/12/2019 23:28

He laid hands on you, hurt you and scared you while you are pregnant. He's abusive.

Think about doing the Freedom Programme or doing some other kind of therapy.

justilou1 · 22/12/2019 23:30

I honestly think you are in a cycle of choosing bad men. Choose you and your baby for now.

over50andfab · 22/12/2019 23:55

I don't know if this particular ex is abusive or if I'm being dramatic.

But you wrote: he went mad, shouting at me calling me the worst names and saying nasty things like I have no support, and grabbing me pulling my arms by the top of the staircase which scared me a lot.

What do you think OP? I’m not having a go, I’m just trying to get you to see what is happening. It is up to you on what to do from now on. For the sake of your baby I hope you make the right decision.

BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2019 00:00

he went mad, shouting at me calling me the worst names and saying nasty things like I have no support, and grabbing me pulling my arms by the top of the staircase which scared me a lot. He's said some awful things previously but never laid a finger on me before today

I'm so scared that I will break my resolve and speak to him again though

Why the fuck would you speak to him again ????????? He's not your baby's father.. he's living with someone else.. and he's been violent toward you and your unborn baby... Confused

onemorerose · 23/12/2019 00:07

You need to back quickly and quietly away from him. He’s hurt you now and on the past and he’s with someone else. Please move on op you are not going to find happiness with him ever Flowers

HL123 · 23/12/2019 10:38

Thank you for the responses. I know it must be hard to understand why I could struggle to never talk to him again

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 23/12/2019 12:10

OP please try to find support from other quarters.. family friends maternity groups.. please stay away from this guy... Flowers

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