Unhappy in marriage

[NorthStar72]

Hi,
I have been feeling very unhappy in my marriage for at least two years now and the feeling isn't going away. We have almost been married 22 years and have two children, 16 and 12.

The main problem is the age gap. I'm a young 47, he is an old 58. I have had no sexual feelings towards him for a long time and I stopped the sex not long after our youngest was born. Tbh, he was poor at it! Never had passion etc. We haven't had sex in over ten years! I am very good looking for my age too but cannot go near him! I have a decent sex drive but still cringe at the thought. But, I want that in my life plus the connection with someone.

I feel like I have done something stupid by marrying him (I was warned by relatives) as we have very little in common, he was never an affectionate person and, tbh, I really do not want to be with him. Not now.

I was very shy when younger and didn't go out with many guys. I'd only been with one other before hubby. I don't want to sound crazy but I feel I didn't play the field enough to find someone compatible. If that makes sense!! I honestly thought I'd be left on the shelf.

I have become very distant at home. I sleep in another room and feel like I'm living in a bedsit (it's the box room) even though it is a big 4 bed house. I feel like I am grieving sometimes.

I have told him a number of times that I am unhappy and there is nothing in our marriage but he takes no notice and carries on as normal. It is eating away at me inside.

We are mortgage free. I am in a professional job and earn enough to get somewhere else. He doesn't earn as much as me and had leant on me, financially, over the years but now the mortgage is gone he shouldn't need to do this. We are not short of money.

I am dreading Christmas. His sister comes over (spinster). All of our parents are RIP. I have hated it the last few years as I feel I am keeping up appearances/living a fake life. I do not want to be in this marriage but can't seem to make the first move. It will break his heart but then, if I don't do something, it is me that will forever live with a sad heart.

I have even got another job that takes me away from home part of the week as I couldn't stand to be at home (with him) but he is oblivious to my feelings. I have rented a house elsewhere but plan on staying three nights a week. I don't dislike him. We get on ok, but that's just it - we're like two people living in the same house who just don't have love between them. Most evenings he has his head stuck in his laptop. We rarely talk these days.

I am living in a loveless marriage. No affection and very little in common. I fantasise about meeting someone else with more in common with me and likeminded (with a connection).

Is there anyone out there that has been through this? What did you do? I'm not sure what to do. Leave, file for divorce, sell the house and each of us buy another.
I feel so sad inside but carry on for the sake of the children. We don't really argue but there is nothing there and I am spending more and more time away from him.
Eldest has GCSEs in the summer so I am holding out until then.
Helpful words anyone?

Btw, my parents divorced when I was 8 and I lost contact with my father when I was 12. My mum never dated after that.

What AgentJohnson said.

Sound advice.

I think I’m going to end it but not until the summer (due to my eldest doings exams). I am just so unhappy! It is obvious what is wrong with me.
However, I am worried about how I am going to do it! My job is down south (specialist role) and it is darn near impossible for me to return north in the same area. I am renting somewhere (live in landlady) but only stay 3 nights a week at the moment. My children will have to stay north for their schooling and it is unfair of me to mover them from their father. He is a nice person just not for me as a husband!
I am thinking of renting a flat up here too (probably about £400 per month) but I am worried about how I will afford all of this! Obviously, the same of the family home would allow me to buy another house but it is the interim period that is bothering me... how can I afford to rent somewhere south and north and pay my share towards the main house (mortgage free but still bills to pay)? I’ve got myself in a right mess tbh!

Sorry, that should say the sale of the family home

I read a wonderful quote recently from Nelson Mandela......"It always seems Impossible until its done' . How very true. Just take one step at a time and you will overcome each and every obstacle. It's a sad situation but you have made up your mind to leave - now you just need to work out all the logistics.

So you don’t love your husband and don’t find him attractive and don’t want sex with him anymore, your financially sound your children get on very well with their own dad when your not there most of the week and they cope seemingly very well AND you say your attractive and think of other men and cringe thinking of your husband??? So why the hell are you there??? You seem to want to get away but are afraid that everybody will carry on as normal without you. Tbh and I’m sorry if this seems harsh but you want to be single but you also want to know that your family somehow won’t cope without you, your husband probably thinks your shagging someone anyway, you sleep in a separate room and never go near him and rent a house for another part of your life the guy probably knows you don’t love him in any way shape or form and probably thinks your other house is where you are shagging the other guy. I bet deep down he’s heartbroken but is holding onto all he can for the kids and his own sanity. If you want out then go as your family seem to cope very well without you.

And now you want to sell the house from under them even more selfish to do that to your 2 children