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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheating, distanced myself but feel nasty. HELP

8 replies

frenchmartini28 · 22/12/2019 14:32

Hello, I'm 29 and have been with my bf for 4 years. A couple of years ago I found out he had kissed & was sexting a member of his extended family (not related btw) my problem was & still is that because of who it was with its very difficult for me to attend his family get-togethers as there's a chance she could be there. I always tell my bf to go so he can spend time with his family but he doesn't. Here lies the problem...I get the impression he makes it out to his family he is 'not allowed to go' which I have never said! He makes this puppy dog sad face & I look like a bully. I chose to get back with him although I don't think I can forgive & forget what he did, it's the humiliation I think (especially as everyone knows what he did & who with) I can't see how we'll ever have a normal relationship again. I think his family are starting to dislike me now as I'm coming across as rude but I'm not i'm just struggling. Bf works ridicoulous hours, I hardly see him & when I do we bicker. Lately it's his hygiene & it's really bothering me how he can go 4-5 days without showering, maybe he is depressed but I asked him he said he isn't. I'm not getting any younger & I'd like to have children but not with someone who's family give me anxiety & who I have to tell to wash & brush his teeth. What do you think I should do? Thank you

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 22/12/2019 14:39

What positives do you get from the relationship?

He sounds awful, leave. Personally I would've after the sexting.

frenchmartini28 · 22/12/2019 14:57

Now I think of it not many positives, or few and far between. I notice anything nice done it's always materialistic. I've told him so many times I'd rather he speak to me nicely than buy me unnecessary crap

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 22/12/2019 14:57

Oh dear God! Let him go.

ISmellBabies · 22/12/2019 14:59

Eugh, he's a disgusting, cheating, lying, manipulative, smelly pig. Get rid of him and find a grown up who can be faithful and wash his own backside without being told!

Elieza · 22/12/2019 15:08

He doesn’t sound good enough for you OP. He defo should be washing. He defo shouldn’t be blaming you and using you as an excuse for not attending family stuff. As others say perhaps it’s time to reconsider why you are with him and what he brings to the relationship. If he doesn’t make you happy bin him and move on. The longer you stay with him the less time you have with someone who could make better father material for any children you want to have.

frenchmartini28 · 22/12/2019 15:21

I really do want to end our relationship, I've had enough. But is that cruel to do this time of year?

OP posts:
JustASmallTownCurl · 22/12/2019 15:34

Why on earth are you with him?

He's cheated on you, plays the victim and can't be arsed to look after his personal hygiene.

If you're really that bothered about doing it this week (which you shouldn't be considering how shit he sounds) then fake a bug that means you can't see people this week and do it next week.

Come on OP it would be ridiculous to continue this madness!

ISmellBabies · 22/12/2019 15:38

Absolutely fucking not. It's cruel to yourself and him to drag it out any longer. Just end it, it'll be a weight off your shoulders.

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