First Boyfriend Confusion/Advice

[Adviceplease101]

I’m in my early 20’s and have been in this relationship approx 4 months. I had a huge crush on him for months before we actually got together. Lately I’ve been wondering is this relationship “right”. I often feel he likes me more than I like him which is obviously not fair to anyone. At the same time I have few dislikes about him, the sex is great and I know he’d do anything for me.

As I said this is my first proper relationship, so I’m wondering is it that I don’t properly know what I want/don’t want. I also have a tendency to greatly overthink, at the start often worried am I doing this whole girlfriend thing “right” at all.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi @Adviceplease101,

We're just giving this thread a bump for you - hopefully some Mumsnetters will be along shortly with some advice and support.

It sounds like you are feeling nervous and anxious, 4 months and a huge crush on him is still early days - if he’s a nice guy and he likes you I would just take it slow for now and try to work out your feelings for him. It could be that you are afraid to like him in case it doesn’t work out? Or what is it that you think you are unsure about?
It can happen when one person falls a lot faster than the other, that is normal for many couples and not always a bad thing

So take it slow at your pace. You are only being unfair if you are really sure you don’t want to be with him and don’t tell him

What are your dislikes?

Hi Advice, this is your first proper relationship, you are very young and making mistakes, finding your feet, discovering what you like or dislike about a partner are all par for the course. It's not a binding contract going out with someone. It may last, it may not. There really isn't a right or wrong way to be a girlfriend.

You sound very anxious which isn't helping as it can distort your thinking and make just enjoying your time together with our boyfriend difficult.

Do you have some more experienced girlfriends/friends you can talk to about your worries? My daughter used to spend hours on the phone talking about and analysing her 'current' relationship with her friends.

Have you tried meditation to help your anxiety? It will help you to sit with your feelings and not act on them. There are some very good downloadable Apps you can use.

Dislikes would be he can’t be a bit too agreeable at times, I know this is even a weird dislike. He also can need a push to be sociable. He’s not socially awkward or anything. But has a select few friends and only sometimes wants to spend time with them. Neither are exactly problems that effect me I suppose, but it’s not something I’d actively look for in a person of that makes sense

That should be *can not can’t

Definitely the anxiousness is something I want to work on. I was on medication in the past but felt any need for it had subsided. I think this time of the year I tend to become more anxious for whatever reason.

4 months isn't really long enough to know whether it's going to work long term with someone - BUT I would say that if you have specific "dislikes" about him already, these will only worsen over time.

When I got with my partners that I had LTRs with, I loved the bones of them for at least the first year.. and then the honeymoon period ends and that's when you tell.

Also, some people fall in love quickly, whereas for others it's slow growing, so saying he likes you more than you like him isn't really a good measure.

I have anxiety problems too, and overthinking is ridiculous for me as well, so I know how you feel. But you sort of just have to live in the moment, and if you're happy now, see how it goes. As soon as you start thinking about the future in the sense of "what if" you put too much pressure on the relationship and things start to go wrong.

How often are you seeing each other every week?

If it’s a lot, maybe step back a little and cut it down to twice a week.

I’m guessing (and hoping) you’re not living together after 4 months of dating