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Original poster

problems with DH and kids

19 replies

citcatgirl45 · 21/12/2019 22:34

I am married with an autistic child and a teenager so life is hard and hectic at times. My husband has no interest in family life at all. It us the 3 of us and him. He isn't interested - the kids don't get on with him and he doesn't get on with them. He thinks they have severe behavioural issues but one is a teen and another has special needs. Because he has no interest in us he doesn't ever spend time with other families so he doesn't see how other kids behave. If we take the kids out of the equation he is a completely different person - he just does not cope with the demands of children - he will not move out as he loves our house so if I want to go with the children I can. One day I will !!! As the kids are older now they stay up later and they seem to be liking hanging downstairs with me - they both have tv's in their room but always choose to sit downstairs and chat or play a game and sometimes watch TV . My husband says their TV's are there for them to stay in their rooms so he (or me and him) can watch TV in the sitting room- because they prefer being downstairs and with me he is banished upstairs. Sometimes I wish they would just chill in their rooms but they love company.of people. He is welcome to sit downstairs too but it will always end up with arguing so he doesn't. Should I shut them out the way from 8pm??? Therefore my hubby and I get to spend time together. They are extremely social and active children so being shut in their rooms with a TV or playstation is their living nightmare, this is where they definitely differ from their peers!!!

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 21/12/2019 22:48

Put HIM in a fucking room and shut the door on HIM OP.. Flowers

Yascumbagyamaggot · 21/12/2019 22:52

He sounds like a knob. I'm wondering why his is your DH, not your exDH? No, never let him banish them upstairs to keep keep you to himself. In contrast we dont allow TVs in bedrooms to make sure that the children are encouraged to stay downstairs with us.

Embracelife · 21/12/2019 22:53

You will have to choose your dh or dc.
Send your dh to his room. Your priority is to dc.
He doesn't want the dc? Then no point in him

Go see solicitor and find out your options.
If you divorce the dc need to be housed and he will have to provide for them .

Oldbutstillgotit · 21/12/2019 22:58

Is he the DC’s father ?

Krazynights34 · 21/12/2019 22:59

What a fucking prick. I’m sorry to say that. But for fucks sake think as much as you can about how to leave as soon as you can.

andpeggy1 · 21/12/2019 23:04

Did he want to have kids in the first place? If so why?

IamMaisie · 21/12/2019 23:05

So what if he loves the house? As primary carer, with one child with special needs, you'll be the one to stay in the event of a divorce.

So sad for your DC that they have to live with someone who can't stand to be in the same room as them?

Why are you waiting until one day you can move out. Go and get legal advice now. What's the point of trying to decide if you should banish the children upstairs to spend time with an arse you've already decided you'll leave one day?

TheReef · 21/12/2019 23:06

He wants his kids to stay in their bedrooms all night? Nice!! Glad to see he's going there and you're not making your dc go.

Original poster
citcatgirl45 · 21/12/2019 23:06

After christmas we will go I am in process of saving. Just a shame he won't go as a 4 bed house with an acre garden is far too big for him. I will only be able to afford to rent a 2 bed flat initially!!

OP posts:
TheReef · 21/12/2019 23:15

He might have to go OP unless he can afford to buy your out of the 4 bed house

Haffiana · 21/12/2019 23:15

Op, for goodness sake make an appointment with a solicitor.

NO you should not move out of the family home that your children need! You need to find out exactly what your legal rights are. You have a SN child and the law will help you keep a roof over their heads.

Make an appointment with a solicitor asap. When you know your legal rights then you can make informed decisions about your future.

Original poster
citcatgirl45 · 21/12/2019 23:17

The thing which attracted me to him in the first place was that he was really grown up and not immature and stupid like most boys I knew. He worked hard and saved and bought his first house by 20 by 25 he had his own business and a 5 bedroom house. I thought he would be the ideal father because of his maturity. I found out too late probably that he hated being a child and everyday longed for the day he could have his own house (he loves our house more than us!!!) so he cannot relate or even contemplate the way children are. I also believe he is autistic.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 21/12/2019 23:30

Just remember the house is half yours! If husband wants to stay there he has to buy you out.

In your position I, too, would put my children first and end the marriage but at the same time, your husband cannot help how he feels. Some people are just not cut out to be parents and don't find out until they are unfortunately.

Good luck to you.

Cambionome · 22/12/2019 09:14

Do not move out! See a good solicitor asap.

AgentJohnson · 22/12/2019 10:15

So you want advice on spending more time with a man you’re planning on leaving?

Living in a space with a parent who doesn’t want you there must be horrible. You can’t prioritise your H and your kids, you need to choose. File for divorce and get him to buy you out.

pointythings · 22/12/2019 11:36

Don't move out. Get your ducks in a row, file for divorce and make sure he pays what he should, both in terms of asset share and maintenance. You'll be able to get a nice place where you and your DCs can be a happy family of 3. You don't need this man in your life.

Cacklingmags · 22/12/2019 12:39

The house also belongs to you and is your DC's home. Just because your husband loves the house does not mean that he can have it. He should have tried loving his family more. See a solicitor for your children's sake.

busybarbara · 22/12/2019 19:51

If he's high functioning autistic you might do well to appeal to his logical side even if he is being a total knob about it. He agreed to have children and seems to have provided financially even if not emotionally. Say that for everyone's benefit including his he should look at how he can get enough space to be a better father when he is actually present. If that involves him moving into a studio flat a few nights per week, so be it, but whatever it takes for him to be more engaged when he is with you all.

FFSFFSFFS · 22/12/2019 19:56

See a solicitor ASAP. You should not move out and you will almost certainly get the house.

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